This is not an easy question to answer. After a conversation last night about timing, I got to thinking about this concept. I originally stated that I thought there was no such thing as good timing. I was challenged on this point, and now I am thinking a bit differently. While I do believe there is really no such thing as good timing, I also do believe that any given situation IS all about timing. And that there is no such thing as a coincidence... Phrases like 'Man, that was good timing', really mean that whatever happened was meant to be, in my mind.
The frustrating thing is that timing doesn't always sync up with any given person's idea of what we want and when, and then we are back to the paradox of patience versus waiting. Timing is one of those things makes me feel uneasy and unsure of myself... is this right, at this moment? I used to be much more sure footed when it came to just going with my gut, but lately I find myself right on the verge of going with my gut and then a flood of thoughts clouds my judgment... I factor in consequences, possible repercussions and what effect my actions could have on other people. And I pretty much hate it. I feel as though I spend all of my time wondering about what ifs and end up spinning my wheels as opposed to taking action and actually doing something.
This is not really who I am. I am the throw caution to the wind girl. I am consequences be damned. Feel your way through life, if it feels good it must be good, I am the jump first, look during free fall, land on your feet kind of girl. I never thought about how awareness in other areas would effect the core of how I live my life. And while I do hate cautionary me, I do know that at least some parts of her are a good change. I just feel like I may have gone a bit too far to the other side. Where I used to jump without looking I now do not jump at all. I want to get back to the space where I can jump if it seems worth it after an initial look-see... gives a whole new meaning to all or nothing eh?
Awareness is a good thing to have, so that when the timing is right I CAN actually realize it. I just need to exorcise the mental clutter that is currently in my way. I think that kind of mental exorcism could benefit me in multiple ways, not least of all with the ability to have more patience, which seems to run ever more short all the time. I think I will start by curbing my mental masturbation; I have been spending far too much time swimming around in the scenes I create in my mind...if I were a visionary I would make pretty amazing movies. But, since I am not, I need to realize that creating all that stuff in my head is dangerous with no apparent outlet- creative or otherwise for it.
Time flies when you aren't paying attention, that is where it goes. The time is now. The place is here. The moment is upon you. So reach out and grab what it is that is staring you in the face. Hold it in front of you and EMBRACE IT!!! A hint of skepticism is good for us all every now and then, but don't let that skepticism keep you from jumping. After all, some of the best timing in life, happens in those unscheduled moments of free fall.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Everything to Everyone
"Sometimes you love least the people in life who love you most; until you remember, you life is worth nothing without them in it."
I will admit to not having a source for that quote, but it struck me so deeply when I heard it that I feel the need to talk about it. I know I have been guilty of doing this in my life, and more than that, I know that I and many of my friends have fallen prey to others who have done it to us. Really, in the last year or so I would say those words have become more and more apparent in my life in one way or another. Perhaps it something about the transitioning period around the thirty year mark... most of my friends have been turning thirty in the last few years and there has been a great many shift within us.
It's hardest for me (and I am guessing most others) to experience others not loving me the way I love them, it is shocking to make that realization. I am generally the girl who loves totally and completely-my friends and lovers alike. They are certainly different kinds of love, obviously. But I generally do not have relationships without intimacy... and of course, there are varying levels of intimacy...from familial to platonic to the intimacy shared with a lover... but in each case there is an undeniable closeness that allows the relationship to function in whatever capacity it serves.
When I was a teenager I was often guilty of loving least those who loved me most... my parents. Of course, I had little love or respect for myself so there was little room for me to reciprocate. This opened up a pattern I followed for myself for years- I went from relationship to relationship and the equation was never balanced...Either I loved those most who loved me least or I loved least the partners who loved me most. Paradoxical, I know, like any other thing that catches my attention of late. So this went on with relationships, and before I knew it... it seeped into my friendships too.
I spent many years loving friends who could have cared less about me... and to a certain extent, still do. While I should be clear, I have a core group of people in my life who absolutely bring balance to the friendship see-saw... in fact the few GOOD friends I have are more like family to me than what others would call friends. But there are definitely a few that would not know the love, loyalty and benefits of friendship if they were smacked in the face with it. My brother-from-another-mother and I always say...it's not a points system, but it is; meaning we do things for our friends not because we expect to have those actions reciprocated, but because we have the kind of friendship that implies reciprocation.
The concept of reciprocity in this context is one that involves a great deal of finesse. It's not a tit for tat thing... meaning when someone does something for me, I am not immediately required to pay it back in kind- it's more a flow, a seamless dance from moment to moment. And, in fact we did not figure out 'it's not a points system, but it is' until he and I both noticed gaping holes some of our friendships...We realized that we had been on autopilot for a long time-continuously affording others the benefit of the doubt and experiencing reciprocity less and less. And at a certain point something happened; and over a long, late night conversation our non-point system was born.
It's not something consciously thought about on a daily basis- it is more something that flows into the consciousness occasionally. And I understand that some people are in a better space to play the game of giving AND receiving than others. Sometimes we all get to a space where all we can do is receive, and that is okay, every once in a while. What's not okay is when all we ever do is receive. ESPECIALLY when we are completely unaware that we are doing it- going about daily life THINKING you are reciprocating, giving yourself credit for it only to be tipping the see-saw in your favor. And this is not an awareness that can be pointed out to you, this is definitely something each persona has to arrive at on their own.
Those who love you most are the biggest gift life can offer you. They are the ones who can actually execute the non-points system and do it well. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, we as humans seem to always be drawn to that which we can't have... or those who appear not to want us, and so the cycle continues. So, maybe take stock of those who love you most-do you love them least? And if so WHY?! I know this is an eye opener for me...it helps me to remember to love myself most some of the time instead of loving myself least most of the time...and once I am aware of that, the other bit of the picture that seemed fuzzy and out of focus becomes painfully obvious and clear. To those in my life who love me most, thank you; it is my intention everyday to let you all know how very deeply I love and appreciate you. Hopefully this will become more apparent as I shift my energies away from those who love me least, to those of you who love me most.
I will admit to not having a source for that quote, but it struck me so deeply when I heard it that I feel the need to talk about it. I know I have been guilty of doing this in my life, and more than that, I know that I and many of my friends have fallen prey to others who have done it to us. Really, in the last year or so I would say those words have become more and more apparent in my life in one way or another. Perhaps it something about the transitioning period around the thirty year mark... most of my friends have been turning thirty in the last few years and there has been a great many shift within us.
It's hardest for me (and I am guessing most others) to experience others not loving me the way I love them, it is shocking to make that realization. I am generally the girl who loves totally and completely-my friends and lovers alike. They are certainly different kinds of love, obviously. But I generally do not have relationships without intimacy... and of course, there are varying levels of intimacy...from familial to platonic to the intimacy shared with a lover... but in each case there is an undeniable closeness that allows the relationship to function in whatever capacity it serves.
When I was a teenager I was often guilty of loving least those who loved me most... my parents. Of course, I had little love or respect for myself so there was little room for me to reciprocate. This opened up a pattern I followed for myself for years- I went from relationship to relationship and the equation was never balanced...Either I loved those most who loved me least or I loved least the partners who loved me most. Paradoxical, I know, like any other thing that catches my attention of late. So this went on with relationships, and before I knew it... it seeped into my friendships too.
I spent many years loving friends who could have cared less about me... and to a certain extent, still do. While I should be clear, I have a core group of people in my life who absolutely bring balance to the friendship see-saw... in fact the few GOOD friends I have are more like family to me than what others would call friends. But there are definitely a few that would not know the love, loyalty and benefits of friendship if they were smacked in the face with it. My brother-from-another-mother and I always say...it's not a points system, but it is; meaning we do things for our friends not because we expect to have those actions reciprocated, but because we have the kind of friendship that implies reciprocation.
The concept of reciprocity in this context is one that involves a great deal of finesse. It's not a tit for tat thing... meaning when someone does something for me, I am not immediately required to pay it back in kind- it's more a flow, a seamless dance from moment to moment. And, in fact we did not figure out 'it's not a points system, but it is' until he and I both noticed gaping holes some of our friendships...We realized that we had been on autopilot for a long time-continuously affording others the benefit of the doubt and experiencing reciprocity less and less. And at a certain point something happened; and over a long, late night conversation our non-point system was born.
It's not something consciously thought about on a daily basis- it is more something that flows into the consciousness occasionally. And I understand that some people are in a better space to play the game of giving AND receiving than others. Sometimes we all get to a space where all we can do is receive, and that is okay, every once in a while. What's not okay is when all we ever do is receive. ESPECIALLY when we are completely unaware that we are doing it- going about daily life THINKING you are reciprocating, giving yourself credit for it only to be tipping the see-saw in your favor. And this is not an awareness that can be pointed out to you, this is definitely something each persona has to arrive at on their own.
Those who love you most are the biggest gift life can offer you. They are the ones who can actually execute the non-points system and do it well. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, we as humans seem to always be drawn to that which we can't have... or those who appear not to want us, and so the cycle continues. So, maybe take stock of those who love you most-do you love them least? And if so WHY?! I know this is an eye opener for me...it helps me to remember to love myself most some of the time instead of loving myself least most of the time...and once I am aware of that, the other bit of the picture that seemed fuzzy and out of focus becomes painfully obvious and clear. To those in my life who love me most, thank you; it is my intention everyday to let you all know how very deeply I love and appreciate you. Hopefully this will become more apparent as I shift my energies away from those who love me least, to those of you who love me most.
Friday, May 27, 2011
It Really Is All About Me
Something I am learning about patience. Patience is completely different than waiting. Patience is having the perseverance to know that things will work out in life however they are supposed to. Waiting is a different concept entirely. Waiting is going against the grain, wishing and hoping for things to work out the way you want them to. Patience takes tenacity, it takes finesse, it takes awareness and consciousness. Whereas waiting requires a person stick ones head in the sand in an ostrich-like fashion. There can be no awareness during the waiting process, otherwise we would realize waiting does as much good as wishing upon a star.
Waiting requires nothing but the ability to continuously be let down and wait some more. How insane is that? Who wants to wait for something they think they want only to be let down consistently?! Patience is about shifting perspective... instead of waiting on what you think you want- how about patiently doing the footwork so that what you deserve has the space in your life to materialize. I am just beginning to realize that the things I have waited on are really not worth waiting for anyway. I have been doing the same thing over and over, waiting for a different outcome to appear and then been shocked and disappointed when things do not pan out in the way in which I think they should. This may sound arrogant --although I don't really care, I know myself and I know I am not arrogant--but I am worth more than waiting. I think that once I can fully shift my mentality away from the waiting game to the patience dance things will start shifting in my life.
I found my experiment slipping into subjectivity this week, and man was that a painful, angsty, and disgusting place to be. I am so grateful to be surrounded by people who will hold me accountable in one way or another. I had started thinking about the experiment from a feelings standpoint, it happened without me even recognizing it. Each day I spent in the subjective made me more and more resentful... to the other parties. What came to me last night is that there can be no anger, no resentment, no fingers pointed, no 'shoulds' unless they are all pointed directly at me. I chose to go on with this little experiment, knowing full well that it could be playing rush and roulette with myself...I knew the only person that stood to 'lose' anything was me. And so, with that sort of consciousness, the only thing I can do is stand here and admit- the experiment has been much more difficult then I had originally pinned it for. So, it really is all about me, but not so much in a princess way- more in a you are the only one to be held accountable way.
I do feel a bit victorious though, it may have taken a week, but I caught on to the cunning game my heart tried to play with my head. And because of that I feel as though I have lost absolutely nothing and gained legions of perspective on myself... including another inkling of my worth. I do not know the exact time line, but I do know this....I am on the verge of knowing and owning my own worth... and when the day comes where the full extent of that enters my consciousness... all I can say is LOOK OUT WORLD. Because I will be here, and be here to stay. Until then I will remain patiently aware of this process, as much as I can, and with the help of those who keep me honest, of course : ) And I will work all the more hard on not allowing myself to be let down. It is so freeing to know that I am the one in control of that, NOBODY has that power over me. And, you know, I'm pretty excited to take ownership of my own stuff- the truly aware person waits for nothing, but instead patiently pursues what they deserve.
Waiting requires nothing but the ability to continuously be let down and wait some more. How insane is that? Who wants to wait for something they think they want only to be let down consistently?! Patience is about shifting perspective... instead of waiting on what you think you want- how about patiently doing the footwork so that what you deserve has the space in your life to materialize. I am just beginning to realize that the things I have waited on are really not worth waiting for anyway. I have been doing the same thing over and over, waiting for a different outcome to appear and then been shocked and disappointed when things do not pan out in the way in which I think they should. This may sound arrogant --although I don't really care, I know myself and I know I am not arrogant--but I am worth more than waiting. I think that once I can fully shift my mentality away from the waiting game to the patience dance things will start shifting in my life.
I found my experiment slipping into subjectivity this week, and man was that a painful, angsty, and disgusting place to be. I am so grateful to be surrounded by people who will hold me accountable in one way or another. I had started thinking about the experiment from a feelings standpoint, it happened without me even recognizing it. Each day I spent in the subjective made me more and more resentful... to the other parties. What came to me last night is that there can be no anger, no resentment, no fingers pointed, no 'shoulds' unless they are all pointed directly at me. I chose to go on with this little experiment, knowing full well that it could be playing rush and roulette with myself...I knew the only person that stood to 'lose' anything was me. And so, with that sort of consciousness, the only thing I can do is stand here and admit- the experiment has been much more difficult then I had originally pinned it for. So, it really is all about me, but not so much in a princess way- more in a you are the only one to be held accountable way.
I do feel a bit victorious though, it may have taken a week, but I caught on to the cunning game my heart tried to play with my head. And because of that I feel as though I have lost absolutely nothing and gained legions of perspective on myself... including another inkling of my worth. I do not know the exact time line, but I do know this....I am on the verge of knowing and owning my own worth... and when the day comes where the full extent of that enters my consciousness... all I can say is LOOK OUT WORLD. Because I will be here, and be here to stay. Until then I will remain patiently aware of this process, as much as I can, and with the help of those who keep me honest, of course : ) And I will work all the more hard on not allowing myself to be let down. It is so freeing to know that I am the one in control of that, NOBODY has that power over me. And, you know, I'm pretty excited to take ownership of my own stuff- the truly aware person waits for nothing, but instead patiently pursues what they deserve.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The Luckiest Man
Ever have one of those days where you feel as though your on the brink of something? I have been having them often lately, and I am grateful for that. Even if I cannot discern what I am on the brink of, at least I am balancing on my tip toes-this heightens my sense of awareness and makes it possible for me to actually see or feel or experience whatever it may be... And I have been balancing on my tippy toes for days now, maybe weeks.
Anyhow, I thought it was important to update on how my little experiment with myself is going. I have continued to take my emotions in the experimental situation out of myself and make them object, and not surprisingly, some days are much easier than others. I have found been finding alternate things to focus my energy on, as well as trying to refine some of the attributes that would make being objective in the situation much easier. What can I say? Some days I win, some days it is more of a wash, but I can say that I have not lost a day since I started this.
There is much to be said about taking personal power back. I know, I know, personal power sounds so yucky and new agey. But when I step back and look at the factors that I can control in the situation and those that are beyond my control, I realize I had given far too much power to those factors that are just out of my reach. When I made the goal list last week I chose to focus specifically on making an effort to not give people and situations more power than they deserve. Because in any situation that could potentially involve my feelings- if I allow myself to become subject to them- I want to be the one cracking-the-whip so to speak.
What I find fascinating and confounding at the same time is the razor thin line must one walk between awareness and being callous in order to both continue holding the objective whip and subjective feather tickler at once. I can see why some people just turn off their emotional switch as opposed to trying to calibrate this dimmer switch... finding that perfect light somewhere in the middle is absolutely insane, but I will admit, it is insanely intriguing to me. I have found myself at times, getting a good old fashion case of the fuck-its-like
"Fuck it. This is way to hard." or "fuck it, it would be easier to just not care". That last one about not caring is a bit surprising when it comes into my head, I have never been the one who CAN just not care, I have never been able to flip that particular switch in my brain. In fact, I am generally the one who is walking around with the giant neon flashing light over my head- that I do care and will happily care for you when you cannot care for yourself.
But, not so much lately. Lately I have been trying out caring about me... which is where the thinking behind it being easier to not care is coming from. All my life it has been easier to care for others so as not to care about myself. THIS IS NOT ABOUT PITY. This is about a life lesson that I think so many other chronically self-less people struggle with as well... I would rather crawl across salted broken glass than shift my focus from others to myself, and wow that isn't healthy is it? But I really believe that human personalities can be boiled down into three categories... The chronically selfless, the chronically selfish and those who have a good balance of both. There is nothing better or worse about being on either extreme of the spectrum, trust me. I am no better than some of the friends and partners I have had who are chronically selfish... if anything, those who are selfish all the time are happier... they derive fulfillment in life directly from themselves, so they are rarely let down or disappointed.
Those who are chronically selfless look like this-
The first thought when the awake in the morning is of someone or something other than themselves.
They are frequently trying to figure out how to make others happy, how to help others, how to make others lives easier in some way. They will go out of their way to help a friend or even acquaintance in need, even if it is at the expense of their own time, money or sanity. For the most part this is all done with little expectation on the return of their emotional investment. However, beware. The line of emotional burn out is invisible, it can pop up at any moment and what happens with these folk after it has been crossed is often unpredictable. They suddenly feel used, mistreated and taken advantage of. They cannot understand why the other party would not return their love, affection, friendship, whatever it may be, in kind. These are the people who love indiscriminately across the spectrum, with so many kettles on the fire, one will most certainly boil over from time to time.Here is the loyal friend or partner that requires little maintenance, but without that tiny bit of upkeep, becomes and even more faithful enemy. In general, they are their own worst enemy.
Those who are chronically selfish look like this-
Their first and last thoughts morning and night are of themselves. Often when something great happens to them they rejoice and share it with everyone right away, coming accross as boastful without meaning to. They take care of their own needs before anyone else and have little problem spending money time or energy on themselves. Where the selfless give all of themselves away daily, the selfish are tough nuts to crack. They seem self serving and arrogant, although this is only a matter of self preservation to them. Where the selfless people derive most of their energy from the happiness and good fortune of others, the selfish derive almost all of their energy from themselves, this is much more self-sustaining that the mechanism the selfless use, although later in life it can be quite a lonesome existence. Here is the friend that seems to know everyone but has no true or close friends or connections. They are often financially resourceful and seem to be in the right place at the right time every time. They have few enemy's because they never allow anyone to get close enough to them to betray them. As selfless people do not understand selfish people, the same can be said in reverse... these two types could not be more foreign to each other... The selfish think it foolish to go around letting people in... they do not understand intimacy to mean anything other than a sexual encounter and certainly would not use the word love unless there were no other word in all the Rosetta Stone courses to use.
Then you have the lucky balanced bastards-
I say that in jest, they are only bastards because I have not yet figured out myself how to acquire that balance! These are the people who make both amazing partners and friends. They have found a way to balance both taking care of themselves as well as being their for those whom they care for. They have a mix of acquaintances and very close friends. They are able to balance the time they spend with others and the time needed to focus on themselves in order to stay in that equilibration state. These people have achieved a level of awareness that goes beyond the singular to the plural. They live their lives in the moment with an eye on the future. They take into account ALL sides of a scenario, not merely the side that may effect them or the side that will effect others. These are the people who make good partners, they can help those in either of the other two categories grow, so that they too can become balanced. It should be said that a pair with one selfless person and one selfish person will be doomed from the get... because their weaknesses exacerbate each other rather than being complementary.
I want to stress that I am not bashing either side of the spectrum, wherever you are is wherever you are supposed to be for your own personal growth. I am merely pointing out observations I have made and being honest about my struggles on my particular end. Nor would I say any of this is proven fact or dogma... this is merely one view point which is inherently skewed through my own experiences. There is only one sucky choice in any situation... and that is the decision to stay stuck in whatever the current pattern of life is. If you think your are chronically selfish than work on it!!!! If you think you are inherently selfless than take those first steps toward balance. Life is all about the forward motion, at least in my opinion. How else will we ever get to where we need to be?!
Anyhow, I thought it was important to update on how my little experiment with myself is going. I have continued to take my emotions in the experimental situation out of myself and make them object, and not surprisingly, some days are much easier than others. I have found been finding alternate things to focus my energy on, as well as trying to refine some of the attributes that would make being objective in the situation much easier. What can I say? Some days I win, some days it is more of a wash, but I can say that I have not lost a day since I started this.
There is much to be said about taking personal power back. I know, I know, personal power sounds so yucky and new agey. But when I step back and look at the factors that I can control in the situation and those that are beyond my control, I realize I had given far too much power to those factors that are just out of my reach. When I made the goal list last week I chose to focus specifically on making an effort to not give people and situations more power than they deserve. Because in any situation that could potentially involve my feelings- if I allow myself to become subject to them- I want to be the one cracking-the-whip so to speak.
What I find fascinating and confounding at the same time is the razor thin line must one walk between awareness and being callous in order to both continue holding the objective whip and subjective feather tickler at once. I can see why some people just turn off their emotional switch as opposed to trying to calibrate this dimmer switch... finding that perfect light somewhere in the middle is absolutely insane, but I will admit, it is insanely intriguing to me. I have found myself at times, getting a good old fashion case of the fuck-its-like
"Fuck it. This is way to hard." or "fuck it, it would be easier to just not care". That last one about not caring is a bit surprising when it comes into my head, I have never been the one who CAN just not care, I have never been able to flip that particular switch in my brain. In fact, I am generally the one who is walking around with the giant neon flashing light over my head- that I do care and will happily care for you when you cannot care for yourself.
But, not so much lately. Lately I have been trying out caring about me... which is where the thinking behind it being easier to not care is coming from. All my life it has been easier to care for others so as not to care about myself. THIS IS NOT ABOUT PITY. This is about a life lesson that I think so many other chronically self-less people struggle with as well... I would rather crawl across salted broken glass than shift my focus from others to myself, and wow that isn't healthy is it? But I really believe that human personalities can be boiled down into three categories... The chronically selfless, the chronically selfish and those who have a good balance of both. There is nothing better or worse about being on either extreme of the spectrum, trust me. I am no better than some of the friends and partners I have had who are chronically selfish... if anything, those who are selfish all the time are happier... they derive fulfillment in life directly from themselves, so they are rarely let down or disappointed.
Those who are chronically selfless look like this-
The first thought when the awake in the morning is of someone or something other than themselves.
They are frequently trying to figure out how to make others happy, how to help others, how to make others lives easier in some way. They will go out of their way to help a friend or even acquaintance in need, even if it is at the expense of their own time, money or sanity. For the most part this is all done with little expectation on the return of their emotional investment. However, beware. The line of emotional burn out is invisible, it can pop up at any moment and what happens with these folk after it has been crossed is often unpredictable. They suddenly feel used, mistreated and taken advantage of. They cannot understand why the other party would not return their love, affection, friendship, whatever it may be, in kind. These are the people who love indiscriminately across the spectrum, with so many kettles on the fire, one will most certainly boil over from time to time.Here is the loyal friend or partner that requires little maintenance, but without that tiny bit of upkeep, becomes and even more faithful enemy. In general, they are their own worst enemy.
Those who are chronically selfish look like this-
Their first and last thoughts morning and night are of themselves. Often when something great happens to them they rejoice and share it with everyone right away, coming accross as boastful without meaning to. They take care of their own needs before anyone else and have little problem spending money time or energy on themselves. Where the selfless give all of themselves away daily, the selfish are tough nuts to crack. They seem self serving and arrogant, although this is only a matter of self preservation to them. Where the selfless people derive most of their energy from the happiness and good fortune of others, the selfish derive almost all of their energy from themselves, this is much more self-sustaining that the mechanism the selfless use, although later in life it can be quite a lonesome existence. Here is the friend that seems to know everyone but has no true or close friends or connections. They are often financially resourceful and seem to be in the right place at the right time every time. They have few enemy's because they never allow anyone to get close enough to them to betray them. As selfless people do not understand selfish people, the same can be said in reverse... these two types could not be more foreign to each other... The selfish think it foolish to go around letting people in... they do not understand intimacy to mean anything other than a sexual encounter and certainly would not use the word love unless there were no other word in all the Rosetta Stone courses to use.
Then you have the lucky balanced bastards-
I say that in jest, they are only bastards because I have not yet figured out myself how to acquire that balance! These are the people who make both amazing partners and friends. They have found a way to balance both taking care of themselves as well as being their for those whom they care for. They have a mix of acquaintances and very close friends. They are able to balance the time they spend with others and the time needed to focus on themselves in order to stay in that equilibration state. These people have achieved a level of awareness that goes beyond the singular to the plural. They live their lives in the moment with an eye on the future. They take into account ALL sides of a scenario, not merely the side that may effect them or the side that will effect others. These are the people who make good partners, they can help those in either of the other two categories grow, so that they too can become balanced. It should be said that a pair with one selfless person and one selfish person will be doomed from the get... because their weaknesses exacerbate each other rather than being complementary.
I want to stress that I am not bashing either side of the spectrum, wherever you are is wherever you are supposed to be for your own personal growth. I am merely pointing out observations I have made and being honest about my struggles on my particular end. Nor would I say any of this is proven fact or dogma... this is merely one view point which is inherently skewed through my own experiences. There is only one sucky choice in any situation... and that is the decision to stay stuck in whatever the current pattern of life is. If you think your are chronically selfish than work on it!!!! If you think you are inherently selfless than take those first steps toward balance. Life is all about the forward motion, at least in my opinion. How else will we ever get to where we need to be?!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Just a Little Patience
Patience. Aye-aye-aye. It seems all my life I have been trying to learn this lesson...I am now to the point where I have to be patient when it comes to being patient with myself! I want it all to go how I want it to go and I want it to have happened yesterday, let alone now! Good things happen to those who wait, right? Or is it that those who wait for things to happen miss the bus entirely?
Like so many things in life, patience is a paradoxical concept to me... I need to be patient, but sometimes patience can seem like laziness to me. I am forever trying to figure out which situation goes in what category... I mean sure, some are obvious... I cannot patiently wait for my house to pay itself off... that would be ridiculous. But, what about when it comes to things happening for me in life? Do I patiently wait for a better job to come along...and what if I get a job offer... do I take it because it is better money or wait (and hope) that something else comes along that is better money AND something I will enjoy?
Of course, this is all further complicated by the fact that I have also chosen now as a great time to work on being more polite... I don't even know if polite is the right word... less rude maybe? More aware of how I come off to others in certain circumstances... I am working on that whole principle of not saying anything if I have nothing nice to say...anyone who knows me knows this is a serious undertaking for me. I have always spoken my mind and told others what I thought, no matter the consequence for the other party's feelings. I was proud of that... if I had nothing else, at least I had my matter-of-fact-honesty right? Wrong.
Now I am starting to realize that some people do not want my opinion, especially if it is not what they want to hear. And I am growing okay with that...sort of...the only way I know to deal with this right now is to just remove myself from the situation. It is literally that hard for me to keep my mouth shut. Which is super frustrating...so enter the struggle with my old frienemy, patience. And it is patience on both sides...I have to be patient with myself in this process(and having patience with myself is almost as hard as having patience with others for me). I also have to be patient with the other party; whomever it may be in any given encounter. The patience to accept them where they are at and realize that where I may want them to be is not generally where they need to be for themselves and their own process.
Being a big girl is tough. Being an aware, open and responsible big girl who takes others feelings into account, WAY MORE TOUGH!!! A friend said to me recently "do you ever feel like being empathic hurts sometimes?" Uh, the answer is abosufuckinlutely! Empathy, while rewarding is also quite exhausting. Especially when I'm forced to be constantly empathic with myself and those close to me...Patience grasshopper, good things happen for you everyday! Just open your eyes and experience them.
Like so many things in life, patience is a paradoxical concept to me... I need to be patient, but sometimes patience can seem like laziness to me. I am forever trying to figure out which situation goes in what category... I mean sure, some are obvious... I cannot patiently wait for my house to pay itself off... that would be ridiculous. But, what about when it comes to things happening for me in life? Do I patiently wait for a better job to come along...and what if I get a job offer... do I take it because it is better money or wait (and hope) that something else comes along that is better money AND something I will enjoy?
Of course, this is all further complicated by the fact that I have also chosen now as a great time to work on being more polite... I don't even know if polite is the right word... less rude maybe? More aware of how I come off to others in certain circumstances... I am working on that whole principle of not saying anything if I have nothing nice to say...anyone who knows me knows this is a serious undertaking for me. I have always spoken my mind and told others what I thought, no matter the consequence for the other party's feelings. I was proud of that... if I had nothing else, at least I had my matter-of-fact-honesty right? Wrong.
Now I am starting to realize that some people do not want my opinion, especially if it is not what they want to hear. And I am growing okay with that...sort of...the only way I know to deal with this right now is to just remove myself from the situation. It is literally that hard for me to keep my mouth shut. Which is super frustrating...so enter the struggle with my old frienemy, patience. And it is patience on both sides...I have to be patient with myself in this process(and having patience with myself is almost as hard as having patience with others for me). I also have to be patient with the other party; whomever it may be in any given encounter. The patience to accept them where they are at and realize that where I may want them to be is not generally where they need to be for themselves and their own process.
Being a big girl is tough. Being an aware, open and responsible big girl who takes others feelings into account, WAY MORE TOUGH!!! A friend said to me recently "do you ever feel like being empathic hurts sometimes?" Uh, the answer is abosufuckinlutely! Empathy, while rewarding is also quite exhausting. Especially when I'm forced to be constantly empathic with myself and those close to me...Patience grasshopper, good things happen for you everyday! Just open your eyes and experience them.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
What is it?
Since I am currently a grad-school-drop-out-laze-about, with no apparent plans or goals for my life, I think it may be time to set at least a few short term goals. Being that I do have a touch of the commitment-phobia, these are not earth shattering, but I think they will go a long way toward me becoming a little more independent and hopefully a little less commitment-phobic. Baby steps, chica. Baby steps. So, here we go-
This summer it is my goal to-
This summer it is my goal to-
- Figure out how to start the mother fucking lawn mower all by myself.
- Learn how to ride a motorcycle and own one by at least next summer. I feel like knowing how to ride a motorcycle is one of those life skills I should have... like swimming or driving a standard.
- Learn how to change my own oil. Another life skill I think I must have.
- Step out of my comfort zone, this should be fairly easy, since most of my comfort zone will be moving before summer's end- and the second part of that- MEET NEW PEOPLE!
- Develop the skills to read and understand astrological charts... this will probably be a lifetime goal, but I do aim to keep at it.
- Find a job that I enjoy and that actually pays me what I am worth. Vacation time and health insurance a must. Time to grow up and be a big girl. Money may not be everything, but it means a whole lot when you don't have it!
- Commit to what it is that I want in life. Not that I will have it all figured out, but I need to grow some balls and own what it is that I want- or it will never happen.
- Let go of the stuff, people and situations I allow to bring me down. In other words, practice reminding myself about the impermanence of life. The less attachment to that stuff the better.
- Obtain at least one great piece of art.
- Either get my bike working or get a new one all together.
- And, finally, there are three places I must go in the next year- Florida, California, and Montanna.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Start a Revolution!!!
Collaboration is back with avengence tonight! Grateful Mama and i have been kicking around the idea of writing an entry about all of the bad pick-up lines out there... The list involves only lines that she, I or some of our friends have had used on them. So here is a list of the lines that are either so lame or worn out or just pointless that they will NEVER work.
"You look like someone I have never met before!"
Really? What is that supposed to mean exactly? Of course I look like someone you have never met before, because WE HAVE NEVER MET!!!! And, more than likely, we never will either.
"Are you tired? Because you have been running through my mind all day!"
I'm tired of hearing this line...shouldn't this have been retired in the 70's or something. Number one rule for starting a conversation with a girl... be genuine and original!
"Your officially the hottest chick in this bar! I'm gunna build you a float out of ho-ho's and ding-dongs!" Though this is creative, this doesn't matter when you were the only person in the bar that was voting. It is worth the laugh and the lame conversation that will likely follow.
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? 'Cause you must me an angel!"
This is one that I hope to never hear again. It is over-used and far from original. If this one is used, there will not be any conversation at all. Just walk away and go cry yourself to sleep.
"Do you know who you remind me of?"
Yes. I already know. I guess you can tell me again, if you must. I can only hope that I may simply remind you of me, but we all know that I'd be asking far too much! Save yourself the walk over and the effort that is required in discussing this topic.
"Hey! Did you just fart?! 'Cause you just blew me away!"
Maybe there are mixed opinions on this line. To my knowledge, it isn't exactly overused. It is worth the laugh and if you're cute and have the personality to woo me...it might work.
"Can I get your number?"
No.
"How's (your friend I have already had sex with)? Hey, you wanna hang out sometime?"
Seriously? This is not okay. It is rude to my friend and rude to me. Not only did you sleep with said friend, but I also walked in on you sleeping with her. This is just not good.
"Is that your feet that I smell? [No] Oh, must be your pussy then."
Hahahahaha! I don't really even know what to say. Though it is hilarious, I don't like the idea that you said my pussy was smelly. You probably will not be visiting that area. Nice try, though. Definitely an A for effort.
"You gonna come back to my house? I'll make you french toast in the morning."
or
"You gonna make me french toast in the morning?"
Both of these don't work because we all know there will be no french toast in the morning. However, it would be a whole lot better if there was!
"Hey girl, you play Halo?"
Oh, YS... The good old days. And no. I don't play Halo. I do however enjoy long, tandem topless bike rides without you.
"Did you get the right pizza? I still have an extra." (from the pizza guy)
I did get the right pizza. You and I both know that I did. But, if this is the only way that you think you can have a conversation with me, then I guess there will be work to do.
"Do you mind if it takes him (his penis) a little bit?"
Yes. I do mind. Do you mind if I just show you the door? I am not into putting forth all that effort. Be ready or just go. You're wasting my time.
"I'd feel a lot better if I was waking up next to you."
Hmm, this depends on context really... if this is your opening line, I don't see you feeling alot better when you wake up... if your have worked up to this, then it may be just what the doctor ordered.
"You're like the girl next door."
Again, what does this mean exactly?! Where do you live? If you live on the eastside, this is not at all a complement, and by girl... do you mean little girl?! Because that is just disgusting. So, on the whole, I would say this is worn out and an epic fail.
"You look good, You look healthy."
Healthy? What is healthy exactly? Don't use lines that are so ambiguous it could be taken as an insult, it won't bode well for you.
"Nice outfit, it would look alot better on my floor."
This is just ridiculous. Do you know how long it took me to pick this outfit out? I certainly do not want it on your floor. And furthermore, enjoy my fucking outfit and the time I took to put myself together before you go insisting on taking it off of me.
"I'll just follow you home, to make sure you get there alright."
Ugh, yeah no. You will not be finding out where I live tonight, or ever (and especially if you are going to blow up somebody's Escalade.)
""I'm too drunk for you to be out here all alone."
If your too drunk to speak correctly you are too drunk to speak to me. Spill your drink on someone else thank you very much.
"Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong."
Too bad it is probably more like a Little Smokie, go ahead and hop back on the Oscar Meyer Weinie mobile.
"If I had a nickle for every girl I saw as beautiful as you, I would have 5 cents."
Thank goodness that you would have an extra five cents. Hopefully next time that you use this you will up the anty.
"Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes."
Please, do not use this one. I will be sure to give you some precise directions to the door. Yes, my eyes are beautiful. They are the map to my soul. If you use this line, that map will certainly lead you to your certain doom.
"I wish I was DNA. So I could unzip your jeans."
This made me laugh. Clever and not one that you hear everyday, but it won't get you anywhere.
"I may not be the hottest guy in here, but I am the only one talking to you."
Ouch. The way to a girl's heart or bed, for that matter, is not to insult her. Way to make me feel like I am special or that I matter. Hope you enjoy your sad night at home.
"I love kids."
No, you don't. Not only do you not love kids, but I have immediately erased your existence from my mind as a potential anything. I think two things of you after you say this statement. The first thought is that you are a liar. My second thought is that perhaps you are a pedophile. Either way, this is not a winning line.
Lines that work:
There aren't any lines to report for ones that work. What would work is if you were honest, genuine, and didn't try so hard to impress me. Obviously it isn't working. If you think that it does work, refer back to the top... of lines that don't work. If you really want to get the girl, it is not about a line at all. It is about a conversation. Showing interest... maybe not even talking, but listening. I realize that many guys don't give a shit about the girl, all they want is the girl parts for the night, but, sometimes life ain't easy. And it's never easy if it is truly worth it.
Ladies, make them realize you are worth it... these lines would not be worn out and cliche if they did not work at least some of the time... care more about yourself than to fall for some stupid ass line in a bar! We can ban together and stop bad pick-up lines from spreading! If a guys want's your time, he better show you he is worthy of it! And, just remeber, if all he can come up with is some worn out, insulting or lame line to get your attention, he will probably deliver the same performance in bed any way. We can start a revolution!
Credit where credit is due-thanks for the contributions ladies!
Laura G.
Erin W.
Kaylee H.
Tonya M.
McKenzie M.
Salome G.
"You look like someone I have never met before!"
Really? What is that supposed to mean exactly? Of course I look like someone you have never met before, because WE HAVE NEVER MET!!!! And, more than likely, we never will either.
"Are you tired? Because you have been running through my mind all day!"
I'm tired of hearing this line...shouldn't this have been retired in the 70's or something. Number one rule for starting a conversation with a girl... be genuine and original!
"Your officially the hottest chick in this bar! I'm gunna build you a float out of ho-ho's and ding-dongs!" Though this is creative, this doesn't matter when you were the only person in the bar that was voting. It is worth the laugh and the lame conversation that will likely follow.
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? 'Cause you must me an angel!"
This is one that I hope to never hear again. It is over-used and far from original. If this one is used, there will not be any conversation at all. Just walk away and go cry yourself to sleep.
"Do you know who you remind me of?"
Yes. I already know. I guess you can tell me again, if you must. I can only hope that I may simply remind you of me, but we all know that I'd be asking far too much! Save yourself the walk over and the effort that is required in discussing this topic.
"Hey! Did you just fart?! 'Cause you just blew me away!"
Maybe there are mixed opinions on this line. To my knowledge, it isn't exactly overused. It is worth the laugh and if you're cute and have the personality to woo me...it might work.
"Can I get your number?"
No.
"How's (your friend I have already had sex with)? Hey, you wanna hang out sometime?"
Seriously? This is not okay. It is rude to my friend and rude to me. Not only did you sleep with said friend, but I also walked in on you sleeping with her. This is just not good.
"Is that your feet that I smell? [No] Oh, must be your pussy then."
Hahahahaha! I don't really even know what to say. Though it is hilarious, I don't like the idea that you said my pussy was smelly. You probably will not be visiting that area. Nice try, though. Definitely an A for effort.
"You gonna come back to my house? I'll make you french toast in the morning."
or
"You gonna make me french toast in the morning?"
Both of these don't work because we all know there will be no french toast in the morning. However, it would be a whole lot better if there was!
"Hey girl, you play Halo?"
Oh, YS... The good old days. And no. I don't play Halo. I do however enjoy long, tandem topless bike rides without you.
"Did you get the right pizza? I still have an extra." (from the pizza guy)
I did get the right pizza. You and I both know that I did. But, if this is the only way that you think you can have a conversation with me, then I guess there will be work to do.
"Do you mind if it takes him (his penis) a little bit?"
Yes. I do mind. Do you mind if I just show you the door? I am not into putting forth all that effort. Be ready or just go. You're wasting my time.
"I'd feel a lot better if I was waking up next to you."
Hmm, this depends on context really... if this is your opening line, I don't see you feeling alot better when you wake up... if your have worked up to this, then it may be just what the doctor ordered.
"You're like the girl next door."
Again, what does this mean exactly?! Where do you live? If you live on the eastside, this is not at all a complement, and by girl... do you mean little girl?! Because that is just disgusting. So, on the whole, I would say this is worn out and an epic fail.
"You look good, You look healthy."
Healthy? What is healthy exactly? Don't use lines that are so ambiguous it could be taken as an insult, it won't bode well for you.
"Nice outfit, it would look alot better on my floor."
This is just ridiculous. Do you know how long it took me to pick this outfit out? I certainly do not want it on your floor. And furthermore, enjoy my fucking outfit and the time I took to put myself together before you go insisting on taking it off of me.
"I'll just follow you home, to make sure you get there alright."
Ugh, yeah no. You will not be finding out where I live tonight, or ever (and especially if you are going to blow up somebody's Escalade.)
""I'm too drunk for you to be out here all alone."
If your too drunk to speak correctly you are too drunk to speak to me. Spill your drink on someone else thank you very much.
"Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong."
Too bad it is probably more like a Little Smokie, go ahead and hop back on the Oscar Meyer Weinie mobile.
"If I had a nickle for every girl I saw as beautiful as you, I would have 5 cents."
Thank goodness that you would have an extra five cents. Hopefully next time that you use this you will up the anty.
"Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes."
Please, do not use this one. I will be sure to give you some precise directions to the door. Yes, my eyes are beautiful. They are the map to my soul. If you use this line, that map will certainly lead you to your certain doom.
"I wish I was DNA. So I could unzip your jeans."
This made me laugh. Clever and not one that you hear everyday, but it won't get you anywhere.
"I may not be the hottest guy in here, but I am the only one talking to you."
Ouch. The way to a girl's heart or bed, for that matter, is not to insult her. Way to make me feel like I am special or that I matter. Hope you enjoy your sad night at home.
"I love kids."
No, you don't. Not only do you not love kids, but I have immediately erased your existence from my mind as a potential anything. I think two things of you after you say this statement. The first thought is that you are a liar. My second thought is that perhaps you are a pedophile. Either way, this is not a winning line.
Lines that work:
There aren't any lines to report for ones that work. What would work is if you were honest, genuine, and didn't try so hard to impress me. Obviously it isn't working. If you think that it does work, refer back to the top... of lines that don't work. If you really want to get the girl, it is not about a line at all. It is about a conversation. Showing interest... maybe not even talking, but listening. I realize that many guys don't give a shit about the girl, all they want is the girl parts for the night, but, sometimes life ain't easy. And it's never easy if it is truly worth it.
Ladies, make them realize you are worth it... these lines would not be worn out and cliche if they did not work at least some of the time... care more about yourself than to fall for some stupid ass line in a bar! We can ban together and stop bad pick-up lines from spreading! If a guys want's your time, he better show you he is worthy of it! And, just remeber, if all he can come up with is some worn out, insulting or lame line to get your attention, he will probably deliver the same performance in bed any way. We can start a revolution!
Credit where credit is due-thanks for the contributions ladies!
Laura G.
Erin W.
Kaylee H.
Tonya M.
McKenzie M.
Salome G.
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