Something I am learning about patience. Patience is completely different than waiting. Patience is having the perseverance to know that things will work out in life however they are supposed to. Waiting is a different concept entirely. Waiting is going against the grain, wishing and hoping for things to work out the way you want them to. Patience takes tenacity, it takes finesse, it takes awareness and consciousness. Whereas waiting requires a person stick ones head in the sand in an ostrich-like fashion. There can be no awareness during the waiting process, otherwise we would realize waiting does as much good as wishing upon a star.
Waiting requires nothing but the ability to continuously be let down and wait some more. How insane is that? Who wants to wait for something they think they want only to be let down consistently?! Patience is about shifting perspective... instead of waiting on what you think you want- how about patiently doing the footwork so that what you deserve has the space in your life to materialize. I am just beginning to realize that the things I have waited on are really not worth waiting for anyway. I have been doing the same thing over and over, waiting for a different outcome to appear and then been shocked and disappointed when things do not pan out in the way in which I think they should. This may sound arrogant --although I don't really care, I know myself and I know I am not arrogant--but I am worth more than waiting. I think that once I can fully shift my mentality away from the waiting game to the patience dance things will start shifting in my life.
I found my experiment slipping into subjectivity this week, and man was that a painful, angsty, and disgusting place to be. I am so grateful to be surrounded by people who will hold me accountable in one way or another. I had started thinking about the experiment from a feelings standpoint, it happened without me even recognizing it. Each day I spent in the subjective made me more and more resentful... to the other parties. What came to me last night is that there can be no anger, no resentment, no fingers pointed, no 'shoulds' unless they are all pointed directly at me. I chose to go on with this little experiment, knowing full well that it could be playing rush and roulette with myself...I knew the only person that stood to 'lose' anything was me. And so, with that sort of consciousness, the only thing I can do is stand here and admit- the experiment has been much more difficult then I had originally pinned it for. So, it really is all about me, but not so much in a princess way- more in a you are the only one to be held accountable way.
I do feel a bit victorious though, it may have taken a week, but I caught on to the cunning game my heart tried to play with my head. And because of that I feel as though I have lost absolutely nothing and gained legions of perspective on myself... including another inkling of my worth. I do not know the exact time line, but I do know this....I am on the verge of knowing and owning my own worth... and when the day comes where the full extent of that enters my consciousness... all I can say is LOOK OUT WORLD. Because I will be here, and be here to stay. Until then I will remain patiently aware of this process, as much as I can, and with the help of those who keep me honest, of course : ) And I will work all the more hard on not allowing myself to be let down. It is so freeing to know that I am the one in control of that, NOBODY has that power over me. And, you know, I'm pretty excited to take ownership of my own stuff- the truly aware person waits for nothing, but instead patiently pursues what they deserve.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The Luckiest Man
Ever have one of those days where you feel as though your on the brink of something? I have been having them often lately, and I am grateful for that. Even if I cannot discern what I am on the brink of, at least I am balancing on my tip toes-this heightens my sense of awareness and makes it possible for me to actually see or feel or experience whatever it may be... And I have been balancing on my tippy toes for days now, maybe weeks.
Anyhow, I thought it was important to update on how my little experiment with myself is going. I have continued to take my emotions in the experimental situation out of myself and make them object, and not surprisingly, some days are much easier than others. I have found been finding alternate things to focus my energy on, as well as trying to refine some of the attributes that would make being objective in the situation much easier. What can I say? Some days I win, some days it is more of a wash, but I can say that I have not lost a day since I started this.
There is much to be said about taking personal power back. I know, I know, personal power sounds so yucky and new agey. But when I step back and look at the factors that I can control in the situation and those that are beyond my control, I realize I had given far too much power to those factors that are just out of my reach. When I made the goal list last week I chose to focus specifically on making an effort to not give people and situations more power than they deserve. Because in any situation that could potentially involve my feelings- if I allow myself to become subject to them- I want to be the one cracking-the-whip so to speak.
What I find fascinating and confounding at the same time is the razor thin line must one walk between awareness and being callous in order to both continue holding the objective whip and subjective feather tickler at once. I can see why some people just turn off their emotional switch as opposed to trying to calibrate this dimmer switch... finding that perfect light somewhere in the middle is absolutely insane, but I will admit, it is insanely intriguing to me. I have found myself at times, getting a good old fashion case of the fuck-its-like
"Fuck it. This is way to hard." or "fuck it, it would be easier to just not care". That last one about not caring is a bit surprising when it comes into my head, I have never been the one who CAN just not care, I have never been able to flip that particular switch in my brain. In fact, I am generally the one who is walking around with the giant neon flashing light over my head- that I do care and will happily care for you when you cannot care for yourself.
But, not so much lately. Lately I have been trying out caring about me... which is where the thinking behind it being easier to not care is coming from. All my life it has been easier to care for others so as not to care about myself. THIS IS NOT ABOUT PITY. This is about a life lesson that I think so many other chronically self-less people struggle with as well... I would rather crawl across salted broken glass than shift my focus from others to myself, and wow that isn't healthy is it? But I really believe that human personalities can be boiled down into three categories... The chronically selfless, the chronically selfish and those who have a good balance of both. There is nothing better or worse about being on either extreme of the spectrum, trust me. I am no better than some of the friends and partners I have had who are chronically selfish... if anything, those who are selfish all the time are happier... they derive fulfillment in life directly from themselves, so they are rarely let down or disappointed.
Those who are chronically selfless look like this-
The first thought when the awake in the morning is of someone or something other than themselves.
They are frequently trying to figure out how to make others happy, how to help others, how to make others lives easier in some way. They will go out of their way to help a friend or even acquaintance in need, even if it is at the expense of their own time, money or sanity. For the most part this is all done with little expectation on the return of their emotional investment. However, beware. The line of emotional burn out is invisible, it can pop up at any moment and what happens with these folk after it has been crossed is often unpredictable. They suddenly feel used, mistreated and taken advantage of. They cannot understand why the other party would not return their love, affection, friendship, whatever it may be, in kind. These are the people who love indiscriminately across the spectrum, with so many kettles on the fire, one will most certainly boil over from time to time.Here is the loyal friend or partner that requires little maintenance, but without that tiny bit of upkeep, becomes and even more faithful enemy. In general, they are their own worst enemy.
Those who are chronically selfish look like this-
Their first and last thoughts morning and night are of themselves. Often when something great happens to them they rejoice and share it with everyone right away, coming accross as boastful without meaning to. They take care of their own needs before anyone else and have little problem spending money time or energy on themselves. Where the selfless give all of themselves away daily, the selfish are tough nuts to crack. They seem self serving and arrogant, although this is only a matter of self preservation to them. Where the selfless people derive most of their energy from the happiness and good fortune of others, the selfish derive almost all of their energy from themselves, this is much more self-sustaining that the mechanism the selfless use, although later in life it can be quite a lonesome existence. Here is the friend that seems to know everyone but has no true or close friends or connections. They are often financially resourceful and seem to be in the right place at the right time every time. They have few enemy's because they never allow anyone to get close enough to them to betray them. As selfless people do not understand selfish people, the same can be said in reverse... these two types could not be more foreign to each other... The selfish think it foolish to go around letting people in... they do not understand intimacy to mean anything other than a sexual encounter and certainly would not use the word love unless there were no other word in all the Rosetta Stone courses to use.
Then you have the lucky balanced bastards-
I say that in jest, they are only bastards because I have not yet figured out myself how to acquire that balance! These are the people who make both amazing partners and friends. They have found a way to balance both taking care of themselves as well as being their for those whom they care for. They have a mix of acquaintances and very close friends. They are able to balance the time they spend with others and the time needed to focus on themselves in order to stay in that equilibration state. These people have achieved a level of awareness that goes beyond the singular to the plural. They live their lives in the moment with an eye on the future. They take into account ALL sides of a scenario, not merely the side that may effect them or the side that will effect others. These are the people who make good partners, they can help those in either of the other two categories grow, so that they too can become balanced. It should be said that a pair with one selfless person and one selfish person will be doomed from the get... because their weaknesses exacerbate each other rather than being complementary.
I want to stress that I am not bashing either side of the spectrum, wherever you are is wherever you are supposed to be for your own personal growth. I am merely pointing out observations I have made and being honest about my struggles on my particular end. Nor would I say any of this is proven fact or dogma... this is merely one view point which is inherently skewed through my own experiences. There is only one sucky choice in any situation... and that is the decision to stay stuck in whatever the current pattern of life is. If you think your are chronically selfish than work on it!!!! If you think you are inherently selfless than take those first steps toward balance. Life is all about the forward motion, at least in my opinion. How else will we ever get to where we need to be?!
Anyhow, I thought it was important to update on how my little experiment with myself is going. I have continued to take my emotions in the experimental situation out of myself and make them object, and not surprisingly, some days are much easier than others. I have found been finding alternate things to focus my energy on, as well as trying to refine some of the attributes that would make being objective in the situation much easier. What can I say? Some days I win, some days it is more of a wash, but I can say that I have not lost a day since I started this.
There is much to be said about taking personal power back. I know, I know, personal power sounds so yucky and new agey. But when I step back and look at the factors that I can control in the situation and those that are beyond my control, I realize I had given far too much power to those factors that are just out of my reach. When I made the goal list last week I chose to focus specifically on making an effort to not give people and situations more power than they deserve. Because in any situation that could potentially involve my feelings- if I allow myself to become subject to them- I want to be the one cracking-the-whip so to speak.
What I find fascinating and confounding at the same time is the razor thin line must one walk between awareness and being callous in order to both continue holding the objective whip and subjective feather tickler at once. I can see why some people just turn off their emotional switch as opposed to trying to calibrate this dimmer switch... finding that perfect light somewhere in the middle is absolutely insane, but I will admit, it is insanely intriguing to me. I have found myself at times, getting a good old fashion case of the fuck-its-like
"Fuck it. This is way to hard." or "fuck it, it would be easier to just not care". That last one about not caring is a bit surprising when it comes into my head, I have never been the one who CAN just not care, I have never been able to flip that particular switch in my brain. In fact, I am generally the one who is walking around with the giant neon flashing light over my head- that I do care and will happily care for you when you cannot care for yourself.
But, not so much lately. Lately I have been trying out caring about me... which is where the thinking behind it being easier to not care is coming from. All my life it has been easier to care for others so as not to care about myself. THIS IS NOT ABOUT PITY. This is about a life lesson that I think so many other chronically self-less people struggle with as well... I would rather crawl across salted broken glass than shift my focus from others to myself, and wow that isn't healthy is it? But I really believe that human personalities can be boiled down into three categories... The chronically selfless, the chronically selfish and those who have a good balance of both. There is nothing better or worse about being on either extreme of the spectrum, trust me. I am no better than some of the friends and partners I have had who are chronically selfish... if anything, those who are selfish all the time are happier... they derive fulfillment in life directly from themselves, so they are rarely let down or disappointed.
Those who are chronically selfless look like this-
The first thought when the awake in the morning is of someone or something other than themselves.
They are frequently trying to figure out how to make others happy, how to help others, how to make others lives easier in some way. They will go out of their way to help a friend or even acquaintance in need, even if it is at the expense of their own time, money or sanity. For the most part this is all done with little expectation on the return of their emotional investment. However, beware. The line of emotional burn out is invisible, it can pop up at any moment and what happens with these folk after it has been crossed is often unpredictable. They suddenly feel used, mistreated and taken advantage of. They cannot understand why the other party would not return their love, affection, friendship, whatever it may be, in kind. These are the people who love indiscriminately across the spectrum, with so many kettles on the fire, one will most certainly boil over from time to time.Here is the loyal friend or partner that requires little maintenance, but without that tiny bit of upkeep, becomes and even more faithful enemy. In general, they are their own worst enemy.
Those who are chronically selfish look like this-
Their first and last thoughts morning and night are of themselves. Often when something great happens to them they rejoice and share it with everyone right away, coming accross as boastful without meaning to. They take care of their own needs before anyone else and have little problem spending money time or energy on themselves. Where the selfless give all of themselves away daily, the selfish are tough nuts to crack. They seem self serving and arrogant, although this is only a matter of self preservation to them. Where the selfless people derive most of their energy from the happiness and good fortune of others, the selfish derive almost all of their energy from themselves, this is much more self-sustaining that the mechanism the selfless use, although later in life it can be quite a lonesome existence. Here is the friend that seems to know everyone but has no true or close friends or connections. They are often financially resourceful and seem to be in the right place at the right time every time. They have few enemy's because they never allow anyone to get close enough to them to betray them. As selfless people do not understand selfish people, the same can be said in reverse... these two types could not be more foreign to each other... The selfish think it foolish to go around letting people in... they do not understand intimacy to mean anything other than a sexual encounter and certainly would not use the word love unless there were no other word in all the Rosetta Stone courses to use.
Then you have the lucky balanced bastards-
I say that in jest, they are only bastards because I have not yet figured out myself how to acquire that balance! These are the people who make both amazing partners and friends. They have found a way to balance both taking care of themselves as well as being their for those whom they care for. They have a mix of acquaintances and very close friends. They are able to balance the time they spend with others and the time needed to focus on themselves in order to stay in that equilibration state. These people have achieved a level of awareness that goes beyond the singular to the plural. They live their lives in the moment with an eye on the future. They take into account ALL sides of a scenario, not merely the side that may effect them or the side that will effect others. These are the people who make good partners, they can help those in either of the other two categories grow, so that they too can become balanced. It should be said that a pair with one selfless person and one selfish person will be doomed from the get... because their weaknesses exacerbate each other rather than being complementary.
I want to stress that I am not bashing either side of the spectrum, wherever you are is wherever you are supposed to be for your own personal growth. I am merely pointing out observations I have made and being honest about my struggles on my particular end. Nor would I say any of this is proven fact or dogma... this is merely one view point which is inherently skewed through my own experiences. There is only one sucky choice in any situation... and that is the decision to stay stuck in whatever the current pattern of life is. If you think your are chronically selfish than work on it!!!! If you think you are inherently selfless than take those first steps toward balance. Life is all about the forward motion, at least in my opinion. How else will we ever get to where we need to be?!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Just a Little Patience
Patience. Aye-aye-aye. It seems all my life I have been trying to learn this lesson...I am now to the point where I have to be patient when it comes to being patient with myself! I want it all to go how I want it to go and I want it to have happened yesterday, let alone now! Good things happen to those who wait, right? Or is it that those who wait for things to happen miss the bus entirely?
Like so many things in life, patience is a paradoxical concept to me... I need to be patient, but sometimes patience can seem like laziness to me. I am forever trying to figure out which situation goes in what category... I mean sure, some are obvious... I cannot patiently wait for my house to pay itself off... that would be ridiculous. But, what about when it comes to things happening for me in life? Do I patiently wait for a better job to come along...and what if I get a job offer... do I take it because it is better money or wait (and hope) that something else comes along that is better money AND something I will enjoy?
Of course, this is all further complicated by the fact that I have also chosen now as a great time to work on being more polite... I don't even know if polite is the right word... less rude maybe? More aware of how I come off to others in certain circumstances... I am working on that whole principle of not saying anything if I have nothing nice to say...anyone who knows me knows this is a serious undertaking for me. I have always spoken my mind and told others what I thought, no matter the consequence for the other party's feelings. I was proud of that... if I had nothing else, at least I had my matter-of-fact-honesty right? Wrong.
Now I am starting to realize that some people do not want my opinion, especially if it is not what they want to hear. And I am growing okay with that...sort of...the only way I know to deal with this right now is to just remove myself from the situation. It is literally that hard for me to keep my mouth shut. Which is super frustrating...so enter the struggle with my old frienemy, patience. And it is patience on both sides...I have to be patient with myself in this process(and having patience with myself is almost as hard as having patience with others for me). I also have to be patient with the other party; whomever it may be in any given encounter. The patience to accept them where they are at and realize that where I may want them to be is not generally where they need to be for themselves and their own process.
Being a big girl is tough. Being an aware, open and responsible big girl who takes others feelings into account, WAY MORE TOUGH!!! A friend said to me recently "do you ever feel like being empathic hurts sometimes?" Uh, the answer is abosufuckinlutely! Empathy, while rewarding is also quite exhausting. Especially when I'm forced to be constantly empathic with myself and those close to me...Patience grasshopper, good things happen for you everyday! Just open your eyes and experience them.
Like so many things in life, patience is a paradoxical concept to me... I need to be patient, but sometimes patience can seem like laziness to me. I am forever trying to figure out which situation goes in what category... I mean sure, some are obvious... I cannot patiently wait for my house to pay itself off... that would be ridiculous. But, what about when it comes to things happening for me in life? Do I patiently wait for a better job to come along...and what if I get a job offer... do I take it because it is better money or wait (and hope) that something else comes along that is better money AND something I will enjoy?
Of course, this is all further complicated by the fact that I have also chosen now as a great time to work on being more polite... I don't even know if polite is the right word... less rude maybe? More aware of how I come off to others in certain circumstances... I am working on that whole principle of not saying anything if I have nothing nice to say...anyone who knows me knows this is a serious undertaking for me. I have always spoken my mind and told others what I thought, no matter the consequence for the other party's feelings. I was proud of that... if I had nothing else, at least I had my matter-of-fact-honesty right? Wrong.
Now I am starting to realize that some people do not want my opinion, especially if it is not what they want to hear. And I am growing okay with that...sort of...the only way I know to deal with this right now is to just remove myself from the situation. It is literally that hard for me to keep my mouth shut. Which is super frustrating...so enter the struggle with my old frienemy, patience. And it is patience on both sides...I have to be patient with myself in this process(and having patience with myself is almost as hard as having patience with others for me). I also have to be patient with the other party; whomever it may be in any given encounter. The patience to accept them where they are at and realize that where I may want them to be is not generally where they need to be for themselves and their own process.
Being a big girl is tough. Being an aware, open and responsible big girl who takes others feelings into account, WAY MORE TOUGH!!! A friend said to me recently "do you ever feel like being empathic hurts sometimes?" Uh, the answer is abosufuckinlutely! Empathy, while rewarding is also quite exhausting. Especially when I'm forced to be constantly empathic with myself and those close to me...Patience grasshopper, good things happen for you everyday! Just open your eyes and experience them.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
What is it?
Since I am currently a grad-school-drop-out-laze-about, with no apparent plans or goals for my life, I think it may be time to set at least a few short term goals. Being that I do have a touch of the commitment-phobia, these are not earth shattering, but I think they will go a long way toward me becoming a little more independent and hopefully a little less commitment-phobic. Baby steps, chica. Baby steps. So, here we go-
This summer it is my goal to-
This summer it is my goal to-
- Figure out how to start the mother fucking lawn mower all by myself.
- Learn how to ride a motorcycle and own one by at least next summer. I feel like knowing how to ride a motorcycle is one of those life skills I should have... like swimming or driving a standard.
- Learn how to change my own oil. Another life skill I think I must have.
- Step out of my comfort zone, this should be fairly easy, since most of my comfort zone will be moving before summer's end- and the second part of that- MEET NEW PEOPLE!
- Develop the skills to read and understand astrological charts... this will probably be a lifetime goal, but I do aim to keep at it.
- Find a job that I enjoy and that actually pays me what I am worth. Vacation time and health insurance a must. Time to grow up and be a big girl. Money may not be everything, but it means a whole lot when you don't have it!
- Commit to what it is that I want in life. Not that I will have it all figured out, but I need to grow some balls and own what it is that I want- or it will never happen.
- Let go of the stuff, people and situations I allow to bring me down. In other words, practice reminding myself about the impermanence of life. The less attachment to that stuff the better.
- Obtain at least one great piece of art.
- Either get my bike working or get a new one all together.
- And, finally, there are three places I must go in the next year- Florida, California, and Montanna.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Start a Revolution!!!
Collaboration is back with avengence tonight! Grateful Mama and i have been kicking around the idea of writing an entry about all of the bad pick-up lines out there... The list involves only lines that she, I or some of our friends have had used on them. So here is a list of the lines that are either so lame or worn out or just pointless that they will NEVER work.
"You look like someone I have never met before!"
Really? What is that supposed to mean exactly? Of course I look like someone you have never met before, because WE HAVE NEVER MET!!!! And, more than likely, we never will either.
"Are you tired? Because you have been running through my mind all day!"
I'm tired of hearing this line...shouldn't this have been retired in the 70's or something. Number one rule for starting a conversation with a girl... be genuine and original!
"Your officially the hottest chick in this bar! I'm gunna build you a float out of ho-ho's and ding-dongs!" Though this is creative, this doesn't matter when you were the only person in the bar that was voting. It is worth the laugh and the lame conversation that will likely follow.
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? 'Cause you must me an angel!"
This is one that I hope to never hear again. It is over-used and far from original. If this one is used, there will not be any conversation at all. Just walk away and go cry yourself to sleep.
"Do you know who you remind me of?"
Yes. I already know. I guess you can tell me again, if you must. I can only hope that I may simply remind you of me, but we all know that I'd be asking far too much! Save yourself the walk over and the effort that is required in discussing this topic.
"Hey! Did you just fart?! 'Cause you just blew me away!"
Maybe there are mixed opinions on this line. To my knowledge, it isn't exactly overused. It is worth the laugh and if you're cute and have the personality to woo me...it might work.
"Can I get your number?"
No.
"How's (your friend I have already had sex with)? Hey, you wanna hang out sometime?"
Seriously? This is not okay. It is rude to my friend and rude to me. Not only did you sleep with said friend, but I also walked in on you sleeping with her. This is just not good.
"Is that your feet that I smell? [No] Oh, must be your pussy then."
Hahahahaha! I don't really even know what to say. Though it is hilarious, I don't like the idea that you said my pussy was smelly. You probably will not be visiting that area. Nice try, though. Definitely an A for effort.
"You gonna come back to my house? I'll make you french toast in the morning."
or
"You gonna make me french toast in the morning?"
Both of these don't work because we all know there will be no french toast in the morning. However, it would be a whole lot better if there was!
"Hey girl, you play Halo?"
Oh, YS... The good old days. And no. I don't play Halo. I do however enjoy long, tandem topless bike rides without you.
"Did you get the right pizza? I still have an extra." (from the pizza guy)
I did get the right pizza. You and I both know that I did. But, if this is the only way that you think you can have a conversation with me, then I guess there will be work to do.
"Do you mind if it takes him (his penis) a little bit?"
Yes. I do mind. Do you mind if I just show you the door? I am not into putting forth all that effort. Be ready or just go. You're wasting my time.
"I'd feel a lot better if I was waking up next to you."
Hmm, this depends on context really... if this is your opening line, I don't see you feeling alot better when you wake up... if your have worked up to this, then it may be just what the doctor ordered.
"You're like the girl next door."
Again, what does this mean exactly?! Where do you live? If you live on the eastside, this is not at all a complement, and by girl... do you mean little girl?! Because that is just disgusting. So, on the whole, I would say this is worn out and an epic fail.
"You look good, You look healthy."
Healthy? What is healthy exactly? Don't use lines that are so ambiguous it could be taken as an insult, it won't bode well for you.
"Nice outfit, it would look alot better on my floor."
This is just ridiculous. Do you know how long it took me to pick this outfit out? I certainly do not want it on your floor. And furthermore, enjoy my fucking outfit and the time I took to put myself together before you go insisting on taking it off of me.
"I'll just follow you home, to make sure you get there alright."
Ugh, yeah no. You will not be finding out where I live tonight, or ever (and especially if you are going to blow up somebody's Escalade.)
""I'm too drunk for you to be out here all alone."
If your too drunk to speak correctly you are too drunk to speak to me. Spill your drink on someone else thank you very much.
"Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong."
Too bad it is probably more like a Little Smokie, go ahead and hop back on the Oscar Meyer Weinie mobile.
"If I had a nickle for every girl I saw as beautiful as you, I would have 5 cents."
Thank goodness that you would have an extra five cents. Hopefully next time that you use this you will up the anty.
"Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes."
Please, do not use this one. I will be sure to give you some precise directions to the door. Yes, my eyes are beautiful. They are the map to my soul. If you use this line, that map will certainly lead you to your certain doom.
"I wish I was DNA. So I could unzip your jeans."
This made me laugh. Clever and not one that you hear everyday, but it won't get you anywhere.
"I may not be the hottest guy in here, but I am the only one talking to you."
Ouch. The way to a girl's heart or bed, for that matter, is not to insult her. Way to make me feel like I am special or that I matter. Hope you enjoy your sad night at home.
"I love kids."
No, you don't. Not only do you not love kids, but I have immediately erased your existence from my mind as a potential anything. I think two things of you after you say this statement. The first thought is that you are a liar. My second thought is that perhaps you are a pedophile. Either way, this is not a winning line.
Lines that work:
There aren't any lines to report for ones that work. What would work is if you were honest, genuine, and didn't try so hard to impress me. Obviously it isn't working. If you think that it does work, refer back to the top... of lines that don't work. If you really want to get the girl, it is not about a line at all. It is about a conversation. Showing interest... maybe not even talking, but listening. I realize that many guys don't give a shit about the girl, all they want is the girl parts for the night, but, sometimes life ain't easy. And it's never easy if it is truly worth it.
Ladies, make them realize you are worth it... these lines would not be worn out and cliche if they did not work at least some of the time... care more about yourself than to fall for some stupid ass line in a bar! We can ban together and stop bad pick-up lines from spreading! If a guys want's your time, he better show you he is worthy of it! And, just remeber, if all he can come up with is some worn out, insulting or lame line to get your attention, he will probably deliver the same performance in bed any way. We can start a revolution!
Credit where credit is due-thanks for the contributions ladies!
Laura G.
Erin W.
Kaylee H.
Tonya M.
McKenzie M.
Salome G.
"You look like someone I have never met before!"
Really? What is that supposed to mean exactly? Of course I look like someone you have never met before, because WE HAVE NEVER MET!!!! And, more than likely, we never will either.
"Are you tired? Because you have been running through my mind all day!"
I'm tired of hearing this line...shouldn't this have been retired in the 70's or something. Number one rule for starting a conversation with a girl... be genuine and original!
"Your officially the hottest chick in this bar! I'm gunna build you a float out of ho-ho's and ding-dongs!" Though this is creative, this doesn't matter when you were the only person in the bar that was voting. It is worth the laugh and the lame conversation that will likely follow.
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? 'Cause you must me an angel!"
This is one that I hope to never hear again. It is over-used and far from original. If this one is used, there will not be any conversation at all. Just walk away and go cry yourself to sleep.
"Do you know who you remind me of?"
Yes. I already know. I guess you can tell me again, if you must. I can only hope that I may simply remind you of me, but we all know that I'd be asking far too much! Save yourself the walk over and the effort that is required in discussing this topic.
"Hey! Did you just fart?! 'Cause you just blew me away!"
Maybe there are mixed opinions on this line. To my knowledge, it isn't exactly overused. It is worth the laugh and if you're cute and have the personality to woo me...it might work.
"Can I get your number?"
No.
"How's (your friend I have already had sex with)? Hey, you wanna hang out sometime?"
Seriously? This is not okay. It is rude to my friend and rude to me. Not only did you sleep with said friend, but I also walked in on you sleeping with her. This is just not good.
"Is that your feet that I smell? [No] Oh, must be your pussy then."
Hahahahaha! I don't really even know what to say. Though it is hilarious, I don't like the idea that you said my pussy was smelly. You probably will not be visiting that area. Nice try, though. Definitely an A for effort.
"You gonna come back to my house? I'll make you french toast in the morning."
or
"You gonna make me french toast in the morning?"
Both of these don't work because we all know there will be no french toast in the morning. However, it would be a whole lot better if there was!
"Hey girl, you play Halo?"
Oh, YS... The good old days. And no. I don't play Halo. I do however enjoy long, tandem topless bike rides without you.
"Did you get the right pizza? I still have an extra." (from the pizza guy)
I did get the right pizza. You and I both know that I did. But, if this is the only way that you think you can have a conversation with me, then I guess there will be work to do.
"Do you mind if it takes him (his penis) a little bit?"
Yes. I do mind. Do you mind if I just show you the door? I am not into putting forth all that effort. Be ready or just go. You're wasting my time.
"I'd feel a lot better if I was waking up next to you."
Hmm, this depends on context really... if this is your opening line, I don't see you feeling alot better when you wake up... if your have worked up to this, then it may be just what the doctor ordered.
"You're like the girl next door."
Again, what does this mean exactly?! Where do you live? If you live on the eastside, this is not at all a complement, and by girl... do you mean little girl?! Because that is just disgusting. So, on the whole, I would say this is worn out and an epic fail.
"You look good, You look healthy."
Healthy? What is healthy exactly? Don't use lines that are so ambiguous it could be taken as an insult, it won't bode well for you.
"Nice outfit, it would look alot better on my floor."
This is just ridiculous. Do you know how long it took me to pick this outfit out? I certainly do not want it on your floor. And furthermore, enjoy my fucking outfit and the time I took to put myself together before you go insisting on taking it off of me.
"I'll just follow you home, to make sure you get there alright."
Ugh, yeah no. You will not be finding out where I live tonight, or ever (and especially if you are going to blow up somebody's Escalade.)
""I'm too drunk for you to be out here all alone."
If your too drunk to speak correctly you are too drunk to speak to me. Spill your drink on someone else thank you very much.
"Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong."
Too bad it is probably more like a Little Smokie, go ahead and hop back on the Oscar Meyer Weinie mobile.
"If I had a nickle for every girl I saw as beautiful as you, I would have 5 cents."
Thank goodness that you would have an extra five cents. Hopefully next time that you use this you will up the anty.
"Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes."
Please, do not use this one. I will be sure to give you some precise directions to the door. Yes, my eyes are beautiful. They are the map to my soul. If you use this line, that map will certainly lead you to your certain doom.
"I wish I was DNA. So I could unzip your jeans."
This made me laugh. Clever and not one that you hear everyday, but it won't get you anywhere.
"I may not be the hottest guy in here, but I am the only one talking to you."
Ouch. The way to a girl's heart or bed, for that matter, is not to insult her. Way to make me feel like I am special or that I matter. Hope you enjoy your sad night at home.
"I love kids."
No, you don't. Not only do you not love kids, but I have immediately erased your existence from my mind as a potential anything. I think two things of you after you say this statement. The first thought is that you are a liar. My second thought is that perhaps you are a pedophile. Either way, this is not a winning line.
Lines that work:
There aren't any lines to report for ones that work. What would work is if you were honest, genuine, and didn't try so hard to impress me. Obviously it isn't working. If you think that it does work, refer back to the top... of lines that don't work. If you really want to get the girl, it is not about a line at all. It is about a conversation. Showing interest... maybe not even talking, but listening. I realize that many guys don't give a shit about the girl, all they want is the girl parts for the night, but, sometimes life ain't easy. And it's never easy if it is truly worth it.
Ladies, make them realize you are worth it... these lines would not be worn out and cliche if they did not work at least some of the time... care more about yourself than to fall for some stupid ass line in a bar! We can ban together and stop bad pick-up lines from spreading! If a guys want's your time, he better show you he is worthy of it! And, just remeber, if all he can come up with is some worn out, insulting or lame line to get your attention, he will probably deliver the same performance in bed any way. We can start a revolution!
Credit where credit is due-thanks for the contributions ladies!
Laura G.
Erin W.
Kaylee H.
Tonya M.
McKenzie M.
Salome G.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Peaks, Valleys, and the Cave
Peaks and valleys. This is the landscape of life... and when your on the high peaks, the air is crisp and clear and the sun shines bright, and your heart beats fast and the smiles are never ending. And then there's the decent. It's gradual and we rarely notice it until we arrive in the valley. The sun seems to disappear behind the clouds and the smiles fade, instead of beating fast the heart is heavy, and storm looms on the horizon.
In another time I would have searched desperately for a cave from which to cover from the storm... I would have hidden myself away until the skies cleared and the path back to the peak became apparent. But, as I am sitting cross legged in the valley I am bringing my experiment to the scene. I am taking the experience of the valley and holding it out in front of me as object. Is the valley really that bad? Is it as scary and lonely as I make it out to be? Okay, yes. It is scary, and it is very, very lonely. And right now I don't foresee any paths back up to the peak. So I wait and I listen. And I look around and think wow. This is painful. Really super painful. Not like end of the world nothing to live for painful. More like really wrenching and resonating pain. The pain that means something. The pain that veils the greatness waiting just around the corner. And I know this, I feel it in my bones. But the pain is so distracting. It is so tough not to just focus on it and get caught up in the vortex that it is.
I think that is maybe why growth comes after the storms in life...the storms are often what usher in the pain, and the pain is often what I get caught up in. I forget that there is always another moment coming. This one will not last forever...and I may feel pain now, but there could be bliss just beyond it. And I am not the type of girl who gives up. I asked for the pain when I opened myself up to whatever is out there in order to grow. I can't just ask for something and once I have gotten the first half of it say I want to give it back. No, I take what I am given and turn it into the greatness it could be if I could get off my pot-o-pity and work through the pain. There is no ebb is without the flow. And nothing is deserved if it has not been worked for.
It seems like so much has changed in the last year or so, which is not a bad thing, change is good I know, but it seems like such a huge shift. I wanted to be alone and figure myself out... and here I am. I have got the alone part down! It seems life has arranged things so that I will really understand solidarity... And I don't hate it...Its not my fave, but it could be worse. What I hate is the figuring myself out part. It seems that every other day I or someone close to me asks the elusive question-
"Well, what do you want?" And all I can do is stammer and stutter at the thought of answering that,
"I have no idea" is always my meager reply. I think that I am beginning to see that I do know what I want somewhere inside my mind's eye, I am just more frightened to commit it to words than anything I have ever uttered aloud.
And at the thought I shutter... it is so selfish I tell myself. And a man wiser than me says-
"I think it is time you stop trying to save everybody else and learn how to be a little more selfish..."
And the tears flow and my nose snots and I cry. Damn it. I know in my heart he is right. But doing what he says seems so easy in words and utterly impossible in action. I have heard about this lesson before...it has lurked in the shadows and corners of my mind for a while... but I have always run for shelter in the cave when that particular storm brews up. Not this time. This time we are going to spar this one out, and I will come out victorious, right past the corner of greatness. It's within my reach, I know it. All I have to do it reach out and grab it, and I will, the only reason it doesn't feel like my time is because I won't allow it to be. I have to learn to be a little selfish before I can claim my greatness. What I do know is, peak or valley, I won't be returning to the cave this time.
In another time I would have searched desperately for a cave from which to cover from the storm... I would have hidden myself away until the skies cleared and the path back to the peak became apparent. But, as I am sitting cross legged in the valley I am bringing my experiment to the scene. I am taking the experience of the valley and holding it out in front of me as object. Is the valley really that bad? Is it as scary and lonely as I make it out to be? Okay, yes. It is scary, and it is very, very lonely. And right now I don't foresee any paths back up to the peak. So I wait and I listen. And I look around and think wow. This is painful. Really super painful. Not like end of the world nothing to live for painful. More like really wrenching and resonating pain. The pain that means something. The pain that veils the greatness waiting just around the corner. And I know this, I feel it in my bones. But the pain is so distracting. It is so tough not to just focus on it and get caught up in the vortex that it is.
I think that is maybe why growth comes after the storms in life...the storms are often what usher in the pain, and the pain is often what I get caught up in. I forget that there is always another moment coming. This one will not last forever...and I may feel pain now, but there could be bliss just beyond it. And I am not the type of girl who gives up. I asked for the pain when I opened myself up to whatever is out there in order to grow. I can't just ask for something and once I have gotten the first half of it say I want to give it back. No, I take what I am given and turn it into the greatness it could be if I could get off my pot-o-pity and work through the pain. There is no ebb is without the flow. And nothing is deserved if it has not been worked for.
It seems like so much has changed in the last year or so, which is not a bad thing, change is good I know, but it seems like such a huge shift. I wanted to be alone and figure myself out... and here I am. I have got the alone part down! It seems life has arranged things so that I will really understand solidarity... And I don't hate it...Its not my fave, but it could be worse. What I hate is the figuring myself out part. It seems that every other day I or someone close to me asks the elusive question-
"Well, what do you want?" And all I can do is stammer and stutter at the thought of answering that,
"I have no idea" is always my meager reply. I think that I am beginning to see that I do know what I want somewhere inside my mind's eye, I am just more frightened to commit it to words than anything I have ever uttered aloud.
And at the thought I shutter... it is so selfish I tell myself. And a man wiser than me says-
"I think it is time you stop trying to save everybody else and learn how to be a little more selfish..."
And the tears flow and my nose snots and I cry. Damn it. I know in my heart he is right. But doing what he says seems so easy in words and utterly impossible in action. I have heard about this lesson before...it has lurked in the shadows and corners of my mind for a while... but I have always run for shelter in the cave when that particular storm brews up. Not this time. This time we are going to spar this one out, and I will come out victorious, right past the corner of greatness. It's within my reach, I know it. All I have to do it reach out and grab it, and I will, the only reason it doesn't feel like my time is because I won't allow it to be. I have to learn to be a little selfish before I can claim my greatness. What I do know is, peak or valley, I won't be returning to the cave this time.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Happily Ever After
Hopes and Dreams. We all have them, in fact most of us have people in our lives who have hopes and dreams for us as well. Other's hopes and dreams come in the form of well wishes...parents wanting desperately for their children to be happy and successful, friends supporting one another to obtain their goals..etc. They shift and change as we grow and learn throughout our lives...For example, when I was a child, maybe 5 or so, my dream was to marry my grandfather. No, not in a weird way, in the way that I was the center of his universe and he was the center of mine, in that beautiful age of innocence he was my hero. Anyway, hopes and dreams are the public version of what we want...what we will tell the rest of the world out of fear that our deepest fantasies may not be accepted by the rest of the world. Not only that, but we will set ourselves up not to seek out our fantasies for fear of missing the mark. I am not speculating here, this is all from experience.
I have never really verbalized my own hopes, dreams or fantasies, but since I started thinking about it I have surprised myself with what I truly want in life. My hopes are to be happy, to have a life rich in relationships-platonic and love based, and to have a purpose whatever that may be. My fantasy is a bit more our there. I want a fairytale- and thankfully I have come to a point in my life where I have realized that I get to write my own fairytale, I control who the hero and villains are, the setting, the scene and the ending...Ok, so I don't have control over the whole thing, but I do have control as to what characters I choose to write in and who I choose to write out. This one variable pretty much sets up the entire story.
It is less about Prince Charming and more about happily ever after, I do not know exactly what that looks like yet, but I am sure I will know when I get there! I suppose in a way, I am still looking to fulfill that dream from when I was five...What I am searching for are quality people to fill the roles in my story. People who bring personality and life to the tale I tell everyday. And, I am getting there, my story has an amazing cast of characters thus far. And I know my story will continue to be written everyday. Some days it's less a fairytale and more a daytime drama, but that's okay, we all need a little drama woven into the mundane... it keeps us on our toes!
I guess I am attempting to stay honest with myself... if I don't out my own fantasy it will be too tempting to box it up and store it away in favor of something easier (albeit less rewarding). It takes a good deal of patience and perseverance to wait for what we truly want...or even wait until we figure out what we truly want! To be still until what we deserve comes our way as opposed to what we think we want...or what makes for a good story. I sometimes refer to this as letting it happen organically... and I hate waiting for what will be to be... but I am always so much more satisfied when the process unravels without me stirring the pot.
I know a few people who have patiently waited while their own stories unravel until at once what they want, need and what is happening sync up... and it is truly a beautiful and magical thing. I am so glad that there are people in my life who could set that example for me- so that I know sticking to my guns will pay off, AND so that I have the patience to know it will not happen on my time line...On the other hand, I also know people who talk until they are blue about their hopes and dreams and would not know their own fantasy if it walked up to them and slapped them in the face- because they packed that fantasy away in favor of convention long, long ago. And I see those people and think, damn... I have been there. I have been the one sorting my life out into the categories of this is how it is and that is what has to happen. I hated it, and I refuse to spend my life in the confines of 'that is just the way it is'. It saddens me to think that there are some who will never wake up from that coma. But I am grateful to be fully conscious in my own life.
So I am gunna keep drafting my fairytale... because one day, the shoe will fit, and I will lace it up and run into the sunset of my own personal happily ever after. But for now, I am content in the here and now moments of my fairytale in the making... "I ain't no damsel in distress, and I don't need to be rescued"...but I am a Phoenix and I will always rise up from the ash:) And, by the way, I know there are really no tragedies or villains in my story-because all the character's and scenes are contributing to what will eventually be the most amazing happily ever after!
I have never really verbalized my own hopes, dreams or fantasies, but since I started thinking about it I have surprised myself with what I truly want in life. My hopes are to be happy, to have a life rich in relationships-platonic and love based, and to have a purpose whatever that may be. My fantasy is a bit more our there. I want a fairytale- and thankfully I have come to a point in my life where I have realized that I get to write my own fairytale, I control who the hero and villains are, the setting, the scene and the ending...Ok, so I don't have control over the whole thing, but I do have control as to what characters I choose to write in and who I choose to write out. This one variable pretty much sets up the entire story.
It is less about Prince Charming and more about happily ever after, I do not know exactly what that looks like yet, but I am sure I will know when I get there! I suppose in a way, I am still looking to fulfill that dream from when I was five...What I am searching for are quality people to fill the roles in my story. People who bring personality and life to the tale I tell everyday. And, I am getting there, my story has an amazing cast of characters thus far. And I know my story will continue to be written everyday. Some days it's less a fairytale and more a daytime drama, but that's okay, we all need a little drama woven into the mundane... it keeps us on our toes!
I guess I am attempting to stay honest with myself... if I don't out my own fantasy it will be too tempting to box it up and store it away in favor of something easier (albeit less rewarding). It takes a good deal of patience and perseverance to wait for what we truly want...or even wait until we figure out what we truly want! To be still until what we deserve comes our way as opposed to what we think we want...or what makes for a good story. I sometimes refer to this as letting it happen organically... and I hate waiting for what will be to be... but I am always so much more satisfied when the process unravels without me stirring the pot.
I know a few people who have patiently waited while their own stories unravel until at once what they want, need and what is happening sync up... and it is truly a beautiful and magical thing. I am so glad that there are people in my life who could set that example for me- so that I know sticking to my guns will pay off, AND so that I have the patience to know it will not happen on my time line...On the other hand, I also know people who talk until they are blue about their hopes and dreams and would not know their own fantasy if it walked up to them and slapped them in the face- because they packed that fantasy away in favor of convention long, long ago. And I see those people and think, damn... I have been there. I have been the one sorting my life out into the categories of this is how it is and that is what has to happen. I hated it, and I refuse to spend my life in the confines of 'that is just the way it is'. It saddens me to think that there are some who will never wake up from that coma. But I am grateful to be fully conscious in my own life.
So I am gunna keep drafting my fairytale... because one day, the shoe will fit, and I will lace it up and run into the sunset of my own personal happily ever after. But for now, I am content in the here and now moments of my fairytale in the making... "I ain't no damsel in distress, and I don't need to be rescued"...but I am a Phoenix and I will always rise up from the ash:) And, by the way, I know there are really no tragedies or villains in my story-because all the character's and scenes are contributing to what will eventually be the most amazing happily ever after!
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