Hopes and Dreams. We all have them, in fact most of us have people in our lives who have hopes and dreams for us as well. Other's hopes and dreams come in the form of well wishes...parents wanting desperately for their children to be happy and successful, friends supporting one another to obtain their goals..etc. They shift and change as we grow and learn throughout our lives...For example, when I was a child, maybe 5 or so, my dream was to marry my grandfather. No, not in a weird way, in the way that I was the center of his universe and he was the center of mine, in that beautiful age of innocence he was my hero. Anyway, hopes and dreams are the public version of what we want...what we will tell the rest of the world out of fear that our deepest fantasies may not be accepted by the rest of the world. Not only that, but we will set ourselves up not to seek out our fantasies for fear of missing the mark. I am not speculating here, this is all from experience.
I have never really verbalized my own hopes, dreams or fantasies, but since I started thinking about it I have surprised myself with what I truly want in life. My hopes are to be happy, to have a life rich in relationships-platonic and love based, and to have a purpose whatever that may be. My fantasy is a bit more our there. I want a fairytale- and thankfully I have come to a point in my life where I have realized that I get to write my own fairytale, I control who the hero and villains are, the setting, the scene and the ending...Ok, so I don't have control over the whole thing, but I do have control as to what characters I choose to write in and who I choose to write out. This one variable pretty much sets up the entire story.
It is less about Prince Charming and more about happily ever after, I do not know exactly what that looks like yet, but I am sure I will know when I get there! I suppose in a way, I am still looking to fulfill that dream from when I was five...What I am searching for are quality people to fill the roles in my story. People who bring personality and life to the tale I tell everyday. And, I am getting there, my story has an amazing cast of characters thus far. And I know my story will continue to be written everyday. Some days it's less a fairytale and more a daytime drama, but that's okay, we all need a little drama woven into the mundane... it keeps us on our toes!
I guess I am attempting to stay honest with myself... if I don't out my own fantasy it will be too tempting to box it up and store it away in favor of something easier (albeit less rewarding). It takes a good deal of patience and perseverance to wait for what we truly want...or even wait until we figure out what we truly want! To be still until what we deserve comes our way as opposed to what we think we want...or what makes for a good story. I sometimes refer to this as letting it happen organically... and I hate waiting for what will be to be... but I am always so much more satisfied when the process unravels without me stirring the pot.
I know a few people who have patiently waited while their own stories unravel until at once what they want, need and what is happening sync up... and it is truly a beautiful and magical thing. I am so glad that there are people in my life who could set that example for me- so that I know sticking to my guns will pay off, AND so that I have the patience to know it will not happen on my time line...On the other hand, I also know people who talk until they are blue about their hopes and dreams and would not know their own fantasy if it walked up to them and slapped them in the face- because they packed that fantasy away in favor of convention long, long ago. And I see those people and think, damn... I have been there. I have been the one sorting my life out into the categories of this is how it is and that is what has to happen. I hated it, and I refuse to spend my life in the confines of 'that is just the way it is'. It saddens me to think that there are some who will never wake up from that coma. But I am grateful to be fully conscious in my own life.
So I am gunna keep drafting my fairytale... because one day, the shoe will fit, and I will lace it up and run into the sunset of my own personal happily ever after. But for now, I am content in the here and now moments of my fairytale in the making... "I ain't no damsel in distress, and I don't need to be rescued"...but I am a Phoenix and I will always rise up from the ash:) And, by the way, I know there are really no tragedies or villains in my story-because all the character's and scenes are contributing to what will eventually be the most amazing happily ever after!
