Sure, it runs a bit counter intuitive to my whole there is no such thing as a unique individual, but it brings up a good point. In life, be it friendships or relationships, do we not seek out those people who make us feel as though we are important to them? I know this is the way I treat my friends, and when I am in a relationship, I am always vying to let my significant other know their significance in my life. I think at the root of human nature there are a few core needs we all want/need met. After our basic needs of shelter, food, and physical security there are these vast needs that many of us either ignore, run away from or pretend don't exist in some fashion.
We all have a need for human interaction, and coupled with that is a need for connection and love. That is why nearly all of us seek out mates. Humans are not meant to go through life alone- if we were then you could stick a human baby out in the woods and they would survive. Nope, we need companionship on so many levels- it feeds us at the soul level. Now, of course, friends can help to meet that connection need, family can meet some of the love need, but for most of us, at some point we will seek out a 'better half'. Obviously, meeting this need has gotten wholly more complex in the last 50 or so years- hell even more so in the last 20 years. With the divorce rate soaring and a generation of children of divorce at the life partner seeking age, there is more pressure now than ever to 'get it right', find that perfect partner, not repeat the mistakes of our parents... etc.
It seems to me that most of my friends began that lifelong partnership journey within the last 5-10 years. I boarded that train a few times, but quickly disembarked for one reason or another, most of those that I had begun the journey with continued on and are now living the lives they had dreamed of all along- which makes me happy for them and content in my decision not to take the journey with them. Looking at all of this through the lens of solo life; it looks much different now then it did, five or ten years ago. My perspective has changed quite a bit... what I used to think I wanted in a partner for the journey now seems so silly and shallow...
I am sure that shift in perspective goes hand in hand with age and experience. I have had many, many experiences in the last decade, and those experiences have influenced the way in which I see the world, and more importantly the way that I see myself. Where ten years ago it was about the relationship, today it is about the partnership, and in my mind the two are extremely different. I consider myself lucky to have examples of both partnerships and relationships all around me... some are the kind of amazing partnerships I hope to have someday. Some are distant, disconnected, relationships of convenience which remind me why it is important to be patient, and wait for the former to come around. Some partners treat each other as though the other is the most important person in the world, they remind their partners and themselves everyday how lucky they are to have found each other- they take little to nothing for granted and find tremendous amounts of happiness in the everyday details with their partner because they adore them, everything in their lives is that much sweeter just because the other person is there. Other relationships seem to be threaded together out of social or financial convenience...they have boarded the train together and now, even though they are clearly unhappy the life they have with mortgages, car notes, children and friend groups seems impossible to unravel for something as trite as happiness. So, together they will remain in their individual misery.
Those relationships where the two people are happy and fulfilled by each other are harder to come by for one simple reason- it is so much easier to settle for whatever comes your way, to talk yourself into this is how it is. I have said it before, I will say it again, a thousand times more if that is what it takes for ME to get it... the reason we are not all GREAT, the reason we do not all live GREAT lives is because sometimes, what we see as perfectly normal is good enough. But I want to be great, I want greatness for others in my life. I have to keep reminding myself of the perseverance and tenacity that it takes to travel the long and sometimes weary road to greatness. And I will not settle for good enough in this sense. This is my life. This is your life. Struggle a little, reap the benefits that are sown by hard work and awareness. Savor every little moment... appreciate every lesson you possibly can. Don't settle for perfectly normal when greatness is within reach... and it always is, right within your reach. I will never claim it to be an easy journey, but thankfully I am seem to always be reminded that life can be an amazing journey.
I realize that sometimes these ramblings get a bit preachy, I am preaching more to myself, but if any of my life lessons can help someone else-right on! I have to remind myself FREQUENTLY of the ultimate goal. Speaking to my b.f.a.m. the other day, he reminded me that there are some lessons in life that we may have to learn multiple times and all we could both do is laugh. Because I am the girl who has to learn things not only the hard way, but generally I have to learn it a number of times before it sticks. Thanks to all of you out there, whether or not I know you, whether or not we have even met, thanks for living lives of greatness to remind those of us who need a little refresher once and a while, it can be done.
