Note- I actually began this post on New Years Eve, but hadn't finished until today.
Well, as it seems, the end of 2012 is post unapocalyptically upon us. I awoke this morning in a retrospective sort of mood... stepping in the shower I began reviewing New Year's Eves past-what was I doing this time last year? Oh. Yeah. What about the year before that? Oh. Yep. As I got in my car to drive to work I started thinking about this past year in particular, where I have been, what I have experienced- mentally and physically. I get to work, check my email, and then the ever-evil, time sucking book-face. And just as I log on, there's a link in my news feed-the title intrigues me, so I click the link.....Why Lying Broken in a Pile on Your Bedroom Floor is a Good Idea...
As I am reading the post I become more interested, the ideas in here REALLY ping with me. I posted a while back about each of us having our own beautiful disasters- and this is what I meant. So, I finish reading and hop over here to compose a post about what all that means to me, and what it made me think and what it made me feel. And then I thought, hey, maybe before I write out this year in review post I should look back through my posts from this year. So I did...
A lot happened in 2012...I experienced many firsts...there were, as in any span of time, many ups and many downs. But if I were to pick a resounding theme it was that I continually felt as though I were on the verge of some lesson or break through. Toward the end of the year the lessons became clear. I figured out that the key to any lesson lies within myself. There are always other ways to look at any given situation... and that in and of it's self is, in my humble opinion, the single greatest beauty in life. That is what carries me through the dark points into whatever light is waiting for me on the other side. I am so grateful for those brief moments of clarity... those moments of consciousness... the moments when I can exhale the breath I have been holding in and take in new perspective, energy, and light.
Yes, I spent a decent amount of time lying broken in a pile on my bedroom floor in 2012. I am not ashamed, because even in those moments, or days, or months as it were, I was slowly piecing myself back together. I was (and, still am, obviously) learning about who I am. And, at least this time, as opposed to broken pile moments in the past, I was aware of what was happening... Sure, I was in pain, but somehow I was conscious of the fact that the pain would pass. And it was that consciousness that allowed me to obtain peace with being in pieces. We are all, whether we choose to admit it or not, in pieces at some point or another. We are all fractured in some way, and society would have us believe that those things are 'bad'. We need to be whole and pristine, is what society would have us believe, there is no room in this world for imperfection or flaw. Well, I beg to differ. I truly believe those fractures are what make us beautiful, those pieces are what allow us to see different sides of ourselves. They help us gain perspective in so many ways.
So 2012, overall, was another truly fantastic year in my life...people and experiences came and went. I learned much about myself and human nature. I was able to reaffirm that I am indeed NOT in control (as much as I sometimes wish I were). I shared some simply fantastic moments with people I love in my life, I witnessed growth and abundance in both my life and the lives of those around me. I made mistakes, for which I am so grateful, and I learned that sometimes, letting go and giving in are not terrible things, in fact those actions can actually open the door to some REAL fucking beauty.
I will remember 2012 as the year that I fell in love. I will remember the magic that enveloped me in that process. The year that I finally cleared enough mental clutter to open my energy for amazing things to unfold. I will remember 2012 for becoming truly authentic in parts of my life. Something major shifted in me, and I am now reaping the benefits of that shift. I will remember 2012 as the year I finally threw in the towel and said, ya know what? I don't know shit, and I am TOTALLY good with that! I will remember 2012 as the year that I finally figured out that we are ALL fucking neurotic in our own ways, and that I am only responsible for my own neurosis, as I am only responsible for what I know and who I am.
2013 is already shaping up to be something stellar. I couldn't possibly name or futurecast all of the abundance that will unfold this year, but I can say I look forward to the birth of my nephew, the marriage of friends, and nurturing the bond I have found with the woman I love. In 2013, I am tasking myself with carrying this level of consciousness forward. I am no dumby, it is going to take a lot of work, and there will certainly be difficulties, but I am excited for all of the opportunities and challenges that the new year brings...
