It has always been my belief that we as humans crave connection. The connection between a parent and a child. The connection between friends. The connection between lovers, coworkers, siblings, even strangers. The dynamic of each of these connections has always been fascinating to me...I really enjoy both participating and witnessing the human experience... what is further fascinating to me are the connections that sometimes pop up between connections, and sometimes, the disconnect that can come into focus when other connections come into play.
As I related in my last post, I have recently been experiencing a new connection... one that I had not yet experienced in my life, and it has been truly awesome to connect on so many different levels... mentally, spiritually, metaphysically, at times, it seems almost quixotic. Curiously, this connection has brought to the forefront many of my other connections... friends have come out of the woodwork to tell me how happy I seem, to relate on whatever level to the abundance I have been sharing about...it's been pretty cool to see the reciprocity of positive energy, which in turn multiplies the abundance and so on. I definitely believe that the energy one puts out, attracts like energy, so if I am pinging on a positive vibe, inherently positivity seems to flow my way.
My natural inclination, when experiencing such joy and connection, is to want to share it with those closest to me...Not in a 'hey I am fucking happy nah nah nah nah nah' way, more in an exchange of energy way. Especially because I have had so many people cheer leading me through this last growth spurt, which was particularly arduous. I am truly lucky to have the kind of supportive, inspiring, kind people in my life who love me no matter what I am experiencing. When I was in those dark spots, just before the tunnel opened back up, many of them reminded me that this moment, like all others, shall pass.
There are so many amazing things about the mind space I am in right now, it is synergistic and inspiring and, for the most part, that is what I am focused on. But within this new and chimerical experience, I cannot help but stumble over that disconnect piece I mentioned earlier. This particular disconnection is not new. It has been happening with this particular person my entire life. Some moments are easier to gloss over and pretend like it is not there, others it is glaringly obvious and painful. Society would have me believe that this particular connection should be one of the strongest in my life...and for most of my life, I have tried desperately to strengthen that connection... with little success. And it is SO perplexing to me. If there is a desire to strengthen the connection (presumably, on both sides) why then is it so difficult to make that happen?
Let's get this straight, I love this person with my whole heart, and with that love comes an understanding that I will love them no matter what, right where they are... we have been through our fair share of ups and downs... we seldom vibrate on the same frequency, which is ok, but it does make things tough sometimes, and that makes me wonder... why is what I think to be one of my most primal connections such a struggle? Why would one of my few inherent connections be so painful at times? I don't have the answer to that, although I have been searching for it since this thought has come into my consciousness.
I want to understand this. I want to find a way to meet this particular person somewhere in the middle. Unfortunately, I am unsure this other person wants to meet in the middle. And, I have a little bit of guilt and anger about this disconnect... it has been going on for so long and now it has become tiresome. I am often guilty of envying people who are unconscious... like, man that seems so easy! But then, one of those unconscious people tramples on my consciousness and I am no longer envious. I am sad for them, and sometimes angry at them, and grateful for my own consciousness all at once. The optimist in me says that I need to try my best to meet these people wherever they are at, and support their process in whatever way I can. But then, I find myself in the path of their own self destruction and the realist in me wonders if it is possible to support someone who isn't aware of 'the process' to begin with...
How does one lead another to consciousness? Or, is that my ego talking? Far be it for me to propose everyone follow the path that I am on... that would be boring (and, maybe a little scary!) I just want to find a way to coexist with this particular person (and others like them). I want to love and support this person where they are at, but not at the expense of my own autonomy. I know that there are two people in this situation, and I can only own what it mine, the trouble I am having at the moment, is discerning what exactly is mine to own in this situation... So for now, I suppose the only thing I can do is to continue to be aware and to be true to myself. I am happy in my own right, and no connection or disconnection can waiver that unless I allow it.
I am grateful to all of you who share in my journey, those of you who express your love, support, empathy...Those who share your nuggets of wisdom, whispers of truth, and snippets of strength, those who challenge me to strive to the next level. I am also grateful for those moments of disconnect, so that I may truly appreciate the connections I do have, and I know that transcendence does not come from homogenization. I am a better person everyday because I am surrounded by such a vast array of illuminated souls. Thanks for encouraging me everyday in so many ways. Not all moments are filled with rainbows and unicorns, I know it is necessary to take in each one- I used to think that happiness meant complacency, now I know that growth can happen in any environment, so long as we are surrounded by the proper support to meet the challenge. <3
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Smitten
After last week's quick and discombobulated post, I am starting to grasp a little clarity. Reviewing my posts from the last couple of months, I think I am finally able to crystallize some of the work that I have been doing within myself. In the last few months I have written about anger, fear, awkwardness, confusion, and hurt. I have mentioned consciousness, the struggle to transcend to the next level, and the awareness-es I have been making along the way. I have recorded when I thought I had it all figured out, as well as when I have been knocked off my block... and in the last few weeks all of that work seems to have come together into some cohesion.
Before all of this work, I would have attributed the way I feel and the way I am thinking to some person or people in my life. This person makes me feel like shit, or that person makes me happy... people would often ask why I would stay in a particular situation that seemed so toxic for me. I had wanted every one of life's lessons to be neatly wrapped up in a box, complete with a fancy bow. I wanted everything to have some tangible explanation. Over thinking everything has always been my way of perpetuating my own illusion of control. What I have come to realize is that no one has the power to affect my thoughts and feelings unless I give it to them, and further, that I had been doing so as a sort of last line of defense, so as not to have to take responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings, and resulting actions.
This is beginning to sound like a 'that was then, this is now' kind of post... and I suppose, in a way, it is, but only as a means to record my the process... because it is not over, and as long as I am breathing, it hopefully never will be. So anyway... In the last couple of weeks I have noticed a complete 180 in myself. How I think, how I act, etc. Where there used to be heaviness and confusion, there is now a feeling of exhilaration and light. Where I was feeling tired and cumbersome, I am now feeling recharged and agile- in body and mind. And, apparently it is noticeable in real life as well...where I was beginning to tire of people telling me to smile, I find I cannot wipe the shit eating grin off my face. Several people have asked me if I am 'high', and all I can do is giggle and say yes... but this rush was not obtained through ingesting any outside chemical.
Trudgiung through the last few months I was tired and weary... I wrote about the pain and difficulty that come from gearing up for the next mental leap in consciousness, and while I lose touch with that occasionally (because, let's face it, that is easy to do) I always seem to re-engage enough to rally through whatever mental hurdle presents itself. And it's a weird thing, this process of staying conscious while the tough mental work is being done. While it is solitary in nature- meaning no one could do it for or with me, there were a few people who stayed at my periphery, reminding me at times that there was something coming on the other end of my dark and cobwebby mental tunnel- and I am so super fucking grateful for that.
So here I am, FINALLY standing at the end of that particular mental tunnel... and it is blindingly bright. The air is refreshingly crisp, everything is engaging and appealing to my senses. I imagine this to be the same sort of high that runners talk about after completing a particularly grueling race. And, without knowing it, I have emerged from the tunnel, lighter, more open and with A LOT less baggage. True to form, amazing things were waiting for me, just beyond the tunnel's opening. Acutely aware of just how wide open my heart seems to be beating, I am able to finally catch my breath and realize that the grueling regiment of introspection that has been my mental routine most of my life seems to finally be paying off (haha, of course, it has been 'paying off' all along, I just happen to be aware of the benefits in this particular moment).
As a result of all of this, I seem to have opened myself up for amazing opportunities to present themselves... (yes, those amazing opportunities have also been there all along, but I am now in a space where I can embrace those opportunities as opposed to running from them out of fear). That trite old saying about when you least expect it? Could not be more true than it is for me in this moment. Just as I neared the point of mental exhaustion, something in me rallied to get through that last leg of the mental marathon, and good fucking (insert deity of choice) has it paid off.
Most of my adult life has been spent (consciously or subconsciously) searching for a 'partner'. I have written about the hopeless romantic in me, and through all the detours, hang ups and bang ups in my life, I have somehow managed to hold on to that last little iota of idealism. Don't get me wrong, I have been through my fair share of confusion and questioning as far as all of this is concerned... I honestly did not think that the connection I craved...the partnership idea that I had in my head, the one where there were two people with different strengths, beating on similar levels at the same time in the same place, the one where communication is free flowing, where one person respects the other, the one where it is NOT about completing one another, because they are two WHOLE people sharing in each other's journey...the one where one doesn't MAKE the other happy or sad, but instead there is an exchange of support and understanding through empathy... the one that I had no vocabulary for because that exchange is inexplicable... I honestly thought that kind of connection was about as statistically probable as hitting an antelope while being struck by lightning on a snowy day in Tahiti.
Yeah, I had let go of that idea on sooooooo many levels. I had resolved to just focus on myself and forget about that idealism. And just like they say 'when you stop looking, you will find it'. It has caught me so entirely off guard, in the most blissful and beautiful way. A wiser woman than me would assess my situation as infatuation, and ya know what? I am completely okay with that... THIS. This is amazing. All I can say is that I am experiencing each moment in ways I didn't even know were possible. Each and every day my mind is blown in a fantastically beautiful way... And while I am aware that every single moment cannot be magnificent, I find myself captivated, I want to experience all the moments with her... the good ones, the tough ones, the blissful ones, growing pains, transcendence.... all of it. I want to drink it every last drop. I want to revel in the beauty of this...And while she is not the cause, she certainly has had an effect!
Last week, when I threw together the Dopamine Fiend post I mentioned that I was struggling for the words to describe how I am feeling, because this experience is so new on so many levels... nothing seemed to accurately describe what I am experiencing. One of my friends said "the word- is smitten" and you know what, she's right. I am smitten and could not be happier about it :)
Before all of this work, I would have attributed the way I feel and the way I am thinking to some person or people in my life. This person makes me feel like shit, or that person makes me happy... people would often ask why I would stay in a particular situation that seemed so toxic for me. I had wanted every one of life's lessons to be neatly wrapped up in a box, complete with a fancy bow. I wanted everything to have some tangible explanation. Over thinking everything has always been my way of perpetuating my own illusion of control. What I have come to realize is that no one has the power to affect my thoughts and feelings unless I give it to them, and further, that I had been doing so as a sort of last line of defense, so as not to have to take responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings, and resulting actions.
This is beginning to sound like a 'that was then, this is now' kind of post... and I suppose, in a way, it is, but only as a means to record my the process... because it is not over, and as long as I am breathing, it hopefully never will be. So anyway... In the last couple of weeks I have noticed a complete 180 in myself. How I think, how I act, etc. Where there used to be heaviness and confusion, there is now a feeling of exhilaration and light. Where I was feeling tired and cumbersome, I am now feeling recharged and agile- in body and mind. And, apparently it is noticeable in real life as well...where I was beginning to tire of people telling me to smile, I find I cannot wipe the shit eating grin off my face. Several people have asked me if I am 'high', and all I can do is giggle and say yes... but this rush was not obtained through ingesting any outside chemical.
Trudgiung through the last few months I was tired and weary... I wrote about the pain and difficulty that come from gearing up for the next mental leap in consciousness, and while I lose touch with that occasionally (because, let's face it, that is easy to do) I always seem to re-engage enough to rally through whatever mental hurdle presents itself. And it's a weird thing, this process of staying conscious while the tough mental work is being done. While it is solitary in nature- meaning no one could do it for or with me, there were a few people who stayed at my periphery, reminding me at times that there was something coming on the other end of my dark and cobwebby mental tunnel- and I am so super fucking grateful for that.
So here I am, FINALLY standing at the end of that particular mental tunnel... and it is blindingly bright. The air is refreshingly crisp, everything is engaging and appealing to my senses. I imagine this to be the same sort of high that runners talk about after completing a particularly grueling race. And, without knowing it, I have emerged from the tunnel, lighter, more open and with A LOT less baggage. True to form, amazing things were waiting for me, just beyond the tunnel's opening. Acutely aware of just how wide open my heart seems to be beating, I am able to finally catch my breath and realize that the grueling regiment of introspection that has been my mental routine most of my life seems to finally be paying off (haha, of course, it has been 'paying off' all along, I just happen to be aware of the benefits in this particular moment).
As a result of all of this, I seem to have opened myself up for amazing opportunities to present themselves... (yes, those amazing opportunities have also been there all along, but I am now in a space where I can embrace those opportunities as opposed to running from them out of fear). That trite old saying about when you least expect it? Could not be more true than it is for me in this moment. Just as I neared the point of mental exhaustion, something in me rallied to get through that last leg of the mental marathon, and good fucking (insert deity of choice) has it paid off.
Most of my adult life has been spent (consciously or subconsciously) searching for a 'partner'. I have written about the hopeless romantic in me, and through all the detours, hang ups and bang ups in my life, I have somehow managed to hold on to that last little iota of idealism. Don't get me wrong, I have been through my fair share of confusion and questioning as far as all of this is concerned... I honestly did not think that the connection I craved...the partnership idea that I had in my head, the one where there were two people with different strengths, beating on similar levels at the same time in the same place, the one where communication is free flowing, where one person respects the other, the one where it is NOT about completing one another, because they are two WHOLE people sharing in each other's journey...the one where one doesn't MAKE the other happy or sad, but instead there is an exchange of support and understanding through empathy... the one that I had no vocabulary for because that exchange is inexplicable... I honestly thought that kind of connection was about as statistically probable as hitting an antelope while being struck by lightning on a snowy day in Tahiti.
Yeah, I had let go of that idea on sooooooo many levels. I had resolved to just focus on myself and forget about that idealism. And just like they say 'when you stop looking, you will find it'. It has caught me so entirely off guard, in the most blissful and beautiful way. A wiser woman than me would assess my situation as infatuation, and ya know what? I am completely okay with that... THIS. This is amazing. All I can say is that I am experiencing each moment in ways I didn't even know were possible. Each and every day my mind is blown in a fantastically beautiful way... And while I am aware that every single moment cannot be magnificent, I find myself captivated, I want to experience all the moments with her... the good ones, the tough ones, the blissful ones, growing pains, transcendence.... all of it. I want to drink it every last drop. I want to revel in the beauty of this...And while she is not the cause, she certainly has had an effect!
Last week, when I threw together the Dopamine Fiend post I mentioned that I was struggling for the words to describe how I am feeling, because this experience is so new on so many levels... nothing seemed to accurately describe what I am experiencing. One of my friends said "the word- is smitten" and you know what, she's right. I am smitten and could not be happier about it :)
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Dopamine Fiend
Normally, when composing a post, I am thinking about what I want to write as a way to remember some piece of some lesson... So, most of my posts are less about feeling and more about thinking. In this moment, I have very few thoughts, in fact trying to put to words the way I am feeling right now seems almost impossible... And, I like it.
Recently, it feels as though a lot of my bullshit has melted away... I have no idea where my defenses suddenly retreated to, but they have. My thinking has slowed, and my heartbeat has quickened. I don't really even have words to describe what I am thinking or feeling aside from happy, which does the situation no justice. And it has been a 180 degree shift, that seems to have happened in 3 seconds flat. Like getting broadsided, but in a really fucking beautiful way...Each and every moment seems singular and defined, lasting for for a millisecond and eternity at once. I feel like a walking cliché, like anything I could possible say about where I am is old news to anyone with a heartbeat on the planet. I feel like a giggly, giddy, smiling, blushing 12 year old girl. And I like it.
This is not like me...in fact, I am normally the girl who makes fun of people for acting the way I am right now. Mainly because I never understood it. Because there are no words to describe this space. I have been walking around with a gigantic, dopey grin on my face for days. And I like it.
Yeah, this is uncharted territory. It's an inexplicable connection from the most unlikely direction. It's bliss. And contentment. It's that warm feeling. It's butterflies. It's excitement and newness, without fear or worry. It's my heart beating at the speed of sound. It's holding hands. It's talking and listening and experiencing. It's soft kisses and long hugs. It's being. How have I gone 30 years and NEVER experienced something like this?! Perhaps the right opportunity hadn't presented itself until now. Maybe it's just the right time. OR maybe it just IS. And I like it:)
Recently, it feels as though a lot of my bullshit has melted away... I have no idea where my defenses suddenly retreated to, but they have. My thinking has slowed, and my heartbeat has quickened. I don't really even have words to describe what I am thinking or feeling aside from happy, which does the situation no justice. And it has been a 180 degree shift, that seems to have happened in 3 seconds flat. Like getting broadsided, but in a really fucking beautiful way...Each and every moment seems singular and defined, lasting for for a millisecond and eternity at once. I feel like a walking cliché, like anything I could possible say about where I am is old news to anyone with a heartbeat on the planet. I feel like a giggly, giddy, smiling, blushing 12 year old girl. And I like it.
This is not like me...in fact, I am normally the girl who makes fun of people for acting the way I am right now. Mainly because I never understood it. Because there are no words to describe this space. I have been walking around with a gigantic, dopey grin on my face for days. And I like it.
Yeah, this is uncharted territory. It's an inexplicable connection from the most unlikely direction. It's bliss. And contentment. It's that warm feeling. It's butterflies. It's excitement and newness, without fear or worry. It's my heart beating at the speed of sound. It's holding hands. It's talking and listening and experiencing. It's soft kisses and long hugs. It's being. How have I gone 30 years and NEVER experienced something like this?! Perhaps the right opportunity hadn't presented itself until now. Maybe it's just the right time. OR maybe it just IS. And I like it:)
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
FORWARD
I know a lot of people who do not give weight to astrology, passing it
off as a gimmick, but... in all actuality, it is one of THE oldest forms
of science coming going all the way back to Babylon... I have been
interested in this stuff for years... if you are interested in a deeper
look, I recommend going to this
site and getting your birth chart done. The free chart is a bit
surfacey, but a fantastic starting point... I have a gigantic text book
at home that expands on each section, it truly is fascinating.
All that being said, today is the beginning of the last time Mercury will go retrograde this year. This is the first time I have actually been aware of Mercury's retrograde before it happened in a while, so I feel at least a little prepared by virtue of awareness. When I figured this out, and realized it began on election day, I was a bit dismayed. If you don't know about Mercury in retrograde, there's a lovely little explanation here. A majority of people dread this period. Communication is confounding, things in general seem more confusing, and frustrating, and as I witnessed at my polling place this morning, electronic devices tend to go wonky... but, as the link explains, it is also a great time to re-examine.
So, with Mercury's retrograde in mind, I look at my horoscope this morning-
CAPRICORN Nov, 06, 2012
You have made a certain effort over and over again. Each time, you have failed to get the result you hoped for. Yet you keep doing it. Your friends and your family members vary in their reactions. Some think you're foolish. Some think you're being unrealistic. Some think you're wasting your time. And there is a small segment that believes you are a very positive and determined person and you will eventually get what you want. If you choose to believe any of these people - choose the last one.
I have to say, that this shit has been directly on point lately! Hahaha. Not just for what I am going through personally, but also what I see this election doing (or not doing) for our country. Some people may be singularly focused on one issue, or candidate... many are focused on one party...some are driven by their personal values, others by what's been ingrained in them, some by anger, but ALL of us, even those who choose to stick their head in the sand in ostrich-like fashion, are driven by our own personal experiences. This seems to ring true on both the micro and macro levels.
After many, many deep and exhaustive conversations with some close, trusted friends over the last few days, I will admit to feeling a bit lost and defeated. I had come to a point where I was getting back to trusting myself, and after these conversations (as loving and well intentioned as they each were), I was seriously beginning to doubt my instincts again. There are definitely people who think (although they may not say it) that I am foolish; there are certainly people who think I am often unrealistic, and the number of people who believe that my determination (or bleeding heart if you want) will eventually lead me to where I want to be, seems to be dwindling of late.
I realize that each of those viewpoints are warranted at some points... I can be a stubborn fucking bastard at times... and I constantly struggle with how high to set my life bar, but... I have to constantly remind myself that each of us has a worldview that is inherently skewed by our own experiences. There are those who believe that this struggle for consciousness I ramble on about is nothing more than another exercise in head banging... there are those who dismiss the subject completely, perhaps in an effort to avoid having to perform a cranial-rectal extraction (OR that might be a part of my own personal skew ;) there are the pragmatists, the realists, optimists and the pessimists, and there are those who are on a similar actualization path; they all offer varying viewpoints from which to draw upon... I appreciate having that sort of diversity in my inner circle.
I AM a pretty determined person, even if I occasionally lose sight of that determination in my day to day. In fact, as much as I sometimes want to just throw my hands up, wave a white flag, give up, and break down, I know that I won't, it's not in me. There will always be those people or situations that knock the wind out of my sails, that I am sure of. And I will most likely always wonder if it is on purpose or not. But, deep down, I believe people to be basically good, doing the very best they can with the resources and tools they have available. And sometimes, the only way for others to survive is by putting their heads down and plowing through, inadvertently mowing down whatever happens to be in their path. We all have the power to either take it personally, and continue exposing ourselves to that sort of destruction, picking that fresh scab every time we go back for more; OR we can choose to own ONLY what is ours... consciousness, just like fear, is contagious. They can both infect everyone... my choice, and your choice, and anyone's choice is which infection I expose myself to regularly... I prefer to be driven by consciousness, rather than fear. I am hoping that our country as a whole is moving that direction...I think that it is that kind of the determination that will lead us in the directions that we may not all necessarily want, but for sure, what we need. Happy retrograde everyone- here's to each of us taking a moment to re-examine, gathering our personal and collective determination, and moving forward.
All that being said, today is the beginning of the last time Mercury will go retrograde this year. This is the first time I have actually been aware of Mercury's retrograde before it happened in a while, so I feel at least a little prepared by virtue of awareness. When I figured this out, and realized it began on election day, I was a bit dismayed. If you don't know about Mercury in retrograde, there's a lovely little explanation here. A majority of people dread this period. Communication is confounding, things in general seem more confusing, and frustrating, and as I witnessed at my polling place this morning, electronic devices tend to go wonky... but, as the link explains, it is also a great time to re-examine.
So, with Mercury's retrograde in mind, I look at my horoscope this morning-
CAPRICORN Nov, 06, 2012
You have made a certain effort over and over again. Each time, you have failed to get the result you hoped for. Yet you keep doing it. Your friends and your family members vary in their reactions. Some think you're foolish. Some think you're being unrealistic. Some think you're wasting your time. And there is a small segment that believes you are a very positive and determined person and you will eventually get what you want. If you choose to believe any of these people - choose the last one.
I have to say, that this shit has been directly on point lately! Hahaha. Not just for what I am going through personally, but also what I see this election doing (or not doing) for our country. Some people may be singularly focused on one issue, or candidate... many are focused on one party...some are driven by their personal values, others by what's been ingrained in them, some by anger, but ALL of us, even those who choose to stick their head in the sand in ostrich-like fashion, are driven by our own personal experiences. This seems to ring true on both the micro and macro levels.
After many, many deep and exhaustive conversations with some close, trusted friends over the last few days, I will admit to feeling a bit lost and defeated. I had come to a point where I was getting back to trusting myself, and after these conversations (as loving and well intentioned as they each were), I was seriously beginning to doubt my instincts again. There are definitely people who think (although they may not say it) that I am foolish; there are certainly people who think I am often unrealistic, and the number of people who believe that my determination (or bleeding heart if you want) will eventually lead me to where I want to be, seems to be dwindling of late.
I realize that each of those viewpoints are warranted at some points... I can be a stubborn fucking bastard at times... and I constantly struggle with how high to set my life bar, but... I have to constantly remind myself that each of us has a worldview that is inherently skewed by our own experiences. There are those who believe that this struggle for consciousness I ramble on about is nothing more than another exercise in head banging... there are those who dismiss the subject completely, perhaps in an effort to avoid having to perform a cranial-rectal extraction (OR that might be a part of my own personal skew ;) there are the pragmatists, the realists, optimists and the pessimists, and there are those who are on a similar actualization path; they all offer varying viewpoints from which to draw upon... I appreciate having that sort of diversity in my inner circle.
I AM a pretty determined person, even if I occasionally lose sight of that determination in my day to day. In fact, as much as I sometimes want to just throw my hands up, wave a white flag, give up, and break down, I know that I won't, it's not in me. There will always be those people or situations that knock the wind out of my sails, that I am sure of. And I will most likely always wonder if it is on purpose or not. But, deep down, I believe people to be basically good, doing the very best they can with the resources and tools they have available. And sometimes, the only way for others to survive is by putting their heads down and plowing through, inadvertently mowing down whatever happens to be in their path. We all have the power to either take it personally, and continue exposing ourselves to that sort of destruction, picking that fresh scab every time we go back for more; OR we can choose to own ONLY what is ours... consciousness, just like fear, is contagious. They can both infect everyone... my choice, and your choice, and anyone's choice is which infection I expose myself to regularly... I prefer to be driven by consciousness, rather than fear. I am hoping that our country as a whole is moving that direction...I think that it is that kind of the determination that will lead us in the directions that we may not all necessarily want, but for sure, what we need. Happy retrograde everyone- here's to each of us taking a moment to re-examine, gathering our personal and collective determination, and moving forward.
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