Over the weekend I had a discussion with someone about the Buddhist principle of impermanence. In Buddhism, it is said that the source of all pain comes from a human's inability to realize that EVERYTHING in this life is impermanent. Instead, we hold people and experiences as personal possessions, attaching ourselves to those people and experiences through feelings which then gives us the illusionary security that things will always be the way to which we are accustom. Anyone who has ever suffered a grave loss knows just how horrible it feels when this illusion is shattered in ones own life, the feeling as if the bottom has just dropped out of your heart and sunk to the pit of your stomach like a ton of bricks.
I do not profess to be an expert on Buddhism, and I certainly am not the one who practices enlightenment with respect to impermanence in my everyday life. I too get hooked, I write about my visceral attachments quite often in fact. And let me be clear here, my take on impermanence and detachment is not APATHY. If anything, these principles clear the emotional clutter so that we may experience the moment to moment connections with someone in a very direct and unobstructed way.
Think about it... what if you were able to enter into each interpersonal encounter in your life without the baggage you carry from past encounters...Most of the time, at least in my experience, we are not even aware that we are projecting our stuff onto someone else. Generally, we only become aware of our own projections when they are pointed out to us... either the other person misinterprets what you are trying to communicate, or you are unable to clearly communicate your point yourself. Feelings generally get hurt, someone takes something personally and you are left to sit in your own confusion of the situations, wondering what in the hell happened.
Looking at the attachments I have in my own life... my parents, and a handful of friends, I am able to take stock and 'say' that I treasure each moment with them, but I treasure each moment without consciously thinking about the fact that I ALWAYS assume there will be countless other moments to spend with each of them. The sayings like 'all we have is this moment', 'we are never promised tomorrow' and others like it seem so worn out and trite to me- mainly because I, like so many others I am sure, hear those words, believe them or take them to heart for a split second, and than happily return to a state of blissful ignorance. As I have shared before, I have experienced many grave, and unexpected losses in my short time on this earth, and still I find myself comfortably settling into the mundane routine of everyday life..
This is heavy stuff, this business of impermanence. Mainly because it runs so counter-intuitive to the way in which our world wants us to operate... but it is also an extremely valuable tool if one can be disciplined enough to begin practicing it. It is not about not caring, it is more about caring enough to give yourself fully and completely to each interaction... and by doing so, the connection IN THAT MOMENT is infinitely more powerful. But it's a mighty big leap of faith for the human brain to engage in one moment and leave that connection right there once the moment has passed.
Like anything else in life worth a damn, it takes so much practice and patience with one's self. This all seems a bit comical coming from the girl who constantly hammers on about being such a slave to her emotions, I know. But if anything, my love/hate relationship with my emotions has given me a fair amount of perspective through which to view these concepts. I hope that through continued awareness I can one day practice these principles in real time in my own life... So far all I can say is that I know that my life is not REALLY mine, and that I have no ownership over any of the relationships in my life... I may call them MY parents, or MY friends, or MY lovers, but I do not own any part of our relationship. Our time together is never as infinite as it seems, in fact it is extremely finite, we do not have today, but only this very moment.
