So, a few years ago I developed these weird, chronic stomach issues. Every time I ate, my stomach hurt, and just after I ate I would be overcome by lethargy. It went on for a couple months, I tried taking things out of my diet, I tried avoiding food in general, I lived off antacids for a while... it seemed as though the problem was gluten, and man was I pissed. Who doesn't love bread, and pasta, and really everything carb?! And, in case you don't know...gluten is in PRACTICALLY EVERY FUCKING THING!!!! Desperate for an alternative solution, I went to a homeopathic doctor, who, after a 3 hour consult, gave me what is referred to as a constitutional in the homeopathic world. And, much to my surprise, it worked!!! I got to go back to eating all the things I loved and felt better. Shockingly, whatever that little remedy was, it worked for well over two years. Then, last year, I started having issues again. At the same time I started reading things about our food (mainly wheat)...and how it has been SO severely crossbred and modified over the last 30 years that it doesn't even resemble it's original molecular structure...
Ok, I am rambling a bit. While I could go on for DAYS about the fucked-up-ness of what is happening to us through our food sources, I will save that part for another day. There is a connection here to other things I have been rambling about as of late...I think I have always been aware of the connection between mind and body in some form... but in the last couple of days it has become so apparent. I have been struggling through this transition period (for the last couple months, but even more so in the last week or so), I have also been dealing with the resurgence in my stomach issues, and the cherry on top has been this incredibly HELLISH heartburn that arrived a couple of days ago. The heartburn thing was what really got me thinking...
A friend shared with me that the throat correlates to the throat chakra (which is associated with communication), and that in turn, the physical manifestation of heartburn could be connected to a need to communicate... I know, I know, it is almost too woo woo for me as well. But then I started doing a teensy bit of research, and it sort of started making sense...Oddly, when I began this blog I wanted to use this as a platform to communicate all the crazy (seemingly non-connected) crap that swirls around in my dome, but as of late, I have scarcely had the energy or brain power to organize any of it into cohesive thought. So yeah, I guess I do feel a bit communicatively stifled right now. Huh... they couldn't possible be related... or could they?
In addition to the chakra stuff, I started reading a book on eating Paleo yesterday. Another thing I have been thinking about for a while... it seems to have helped a lot of people with similar health shit, and I know I respond well to a diet that is higher in protein and lower in carbs. And, what do ya know, as I am reading the book I start seeing the correlation between grain/gluten intake and the mental confusion I have been experiencing lately too! WEIRDNESS. Weird, but in a good way. It gives me hope that there are solutions other than just feeling completely and totally overwhelmed... because that is what happens when I get to thinking about all this shit... Like well, the only solution is to change every motherfucking thing and start over from scratch and be completely perfect at it. NO WONDER I have been so apprehensive to make ANY changes! Talk about setting ones self up for failure! Well, the book addressed all of that as well, and gave me a sliver of confidence that I can do this and be easy on myself.
Isn't it funny what the human mind can do to self sabotage?? I need to make changes, but I tell myself I will just fail anyway, so why bother? Fuck it. And I KNOW I am not the only one who does this. I talk myself out of positive change all the time...I hide behind the fear of failure and then a month goes by. And then some other thing comes up and three months slip away. And before I know it, I have spent a year making excuses for not doing something that could potentially help me. WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!
So, today is the day... I start making some tangible changes- like cutting out grain, legumes and (the scariest one for me) dairy, and going back to being more aware of what I put in my body. I am not going to be a zealot about it... so as NOT to set myself up for failure from jump. I am just going to make this simple shift for 30 days and see what happens. I really don't have a whole lot to lose at this point, and if I get more energy and start to feel better, I will totally keep going. My hope is that if the physical parts of me stop feeling so crappy, the mental shit will surely follow suit, even if it is only in small ways. And, as part of the connection between mind and body, I am going to keep writing. Even if it's garbled and confusing, I can't just keep it all in my head because it seems too hard to relate cohesively... patience grasshopper, all things will shift in good time, it all starts with willingness and an open mind, right?
