Chaos in the Brain

Just a quick little heads up- I sat down to write today, with no particular agenda, just that I knew something needed to be purged- the resulting post is below, and will probably make little to no sense to anyone.  I have taken in so much e-crack in the last few days it appears as though I am unable to relate cohesive thoughts! Feel free to skip it and come back another day!

So, I have been a bit TV obsessed lately.  I'm one of those odd people who is easily amused but I also have a REALLY short attention span- so I do not generally get hooked on TV shows, rarely does a movie engage me enough that I will stay awake for the whole thing, comedies aren't generally as funny to me as they are to others, and I am what some might call a pop culture moron.  What can I say, I live under a rock most of the time and I am good with that- even though it does seem highly annoying to my friends who are forever explaining things I guess I 'should know'.

I mentioned in my last post that I began watching the Star Wars movies- this was a serious shocker to those close to me, especially when I revealed that I had paid enough attention to have a general idea of the plot line and characters.  While watching the first three movies (whatever the hell you call them, not the prequels) I got this feeling like I had seen the story line before. Where, where had I seen it? As I searched around the incredibly murky waters of my memory it hit me- Oedipus! Holy shit, I learned this story in undergrad.  Those fucking Greeks. They pop up everywhere... the story line is so similar its laughable. 

I remember wading through thousands of pages of reading when studying the Classics in undergrad- like thousands of pages a week.  I also specifically remember wondering what in the holy fuck I was supposed to get out of all this information while sprinting through it at such a breakneck pace.  My prof at the time (who later turned out to be an amazing mentor) kept telling me that I would find the themes of the stories we were studying everywhere for the rest of my life, I rolled my eyes at her and thought that she was full of shit. 

As I have mentioned before, I stayed away from Star Wars for a long time, mainly because I thought it was some boring sci-fi movie with a cult nerd following.  Through the convincing of one such nerd, I gave it a chance and found myself not only amused, but intrigued... once I put together the Oedipus commonality I started to realize that my prof may have been right- the themes of the Classics are everywhere, and depending on how they are presented and packaged, they seem to have a universal appeal.

My latest obsession is the FX series Sons of Anarchy.  The appeal to this show is a bit more obvious for me, at least on the surface.  Ever since I was a child I have been obsessed with all things mob related, and the outlaw deal fits perfectly in with that theme.  SOA is modeled after Shakespear's Hamlet, this is no secret, even the show's writers will admit that.  And I have to admit, just as Lucas was brilliant to select the Oedipus plot line for his Star Wars, the creators of SOA were ingenious in using Hamlet.  There are elements to these story lines that made them classics to begin with- they hold universal appeal to the human psyche.

The universal themes are apparent-  friendship, family, loyalty, but also a desire for certainty and one's own truth. What has always intrigued me is- how these appeal to the human psyche... In essence, how is it that I could connect and appreciate these stories while millions of others do the same... do we have the same connections?  The Mr. Rogers mentality would have you believe not. If we are all unique individuals, how could millions of us possibly share the same connections- how could one storyline have such mass appeal?  Let's be clear here, I know I am a weirdo.  Many people watching these movies and shows have no idea why they are hooked- normal people probably do not sit around contemplating themes and meanings.  I am guessing that most people take these things for what they are- entertainment.  But, I have never claimed to be normal, these are the weird things that swim around in the fish bowl that is my brain on a day to day basis.

GET TO THE POINT ALREADY.  I know, I am a rambler.  But if you haven't got it by now, this is the place I record all my weird little ponderings in hopes that someday they will make even a bit of sense to me!

I think my point, for now at least, is that there is such thing as universal connection.  There will always be commonalities to build from, as opposed to differences to splinter off from (both view points are expressed almost to the point of exhaustion in SOA).  Focus on commonalities or differences is nothing new either- we have shifted back and forth from one to the other for literally thousands upon thousands of years... There comes a point where shattering one another for differences gets old and humanity goes through a period of unification, only to swing back around and try to categorize one another into boxes yet again.  I think that is why I chose to study the history of everything back in undergrad, because I wanted to know what those patterns were in order to be more aware of them in present day.  That is also why I ramble on with seemingly random thoughts... they are all interconnected somehow, but until I get those connections on the human, and even more so, on the personal level- I am doomed to repeat the same silly patterns of my own past.

The Force

Well, now that the whirl wind that our culture calls 'the holidays' is over, it is time to take a deep breath and look to the new year.  I find it interesting to see what people make of a new year.  Some people treat it as a clean slate- no matter what happened last year, this one is afresh with possibilities- whatever happened last year can stay with last year.  Others make serious promises to themselves- resolutions- This year, I will loose weight, stop biting my nails, eat healthier, quit smoking or whatever else.  Me, I'm not so big on sweeping resolutions.  For one, I don't see the point in using one day a year to resolve to do something- plus, I know a bit about who I am.  I know that if I really want to be, I can be pretty fucking disciplined, but that has to happen on my terms, not because there has been a day designated on the calendar for all to hunker down and become more productive or less hedonistic. I think that any day is as good as another to make positive changes in ones life.

I do, however, like the idea of looking at a stretch of time in review...I have no intention of 'starting over', but I think it is important to take stock in where I have been in order to navigate in an informed way where I want to go.  Many people ended the year by asserting how terrible it was, and all I could think is- Really?! The entire year? Like everyday sucked?! How is that possible? Then I realized that different people have different outlooks, and there may have been a time in my life where I would have said that an entire year sucked.  I don't know if I want to say it's as dualistic as pessimism or optimism- although I suppose one could.  I think it has more to do with individual experience, and what we each take from those experiences.  Many people I know are still stuck in the thinking pattern that everything happens to them- so I could see where the whole year might seem to suck.  Me, I am good with knowing that everything happens for me, and that further it is not now nor will it ever be all about me.  Think about those two ideas.  Seriously, there is a whole lot of freedom in both.

So, I look at the year in review and here are the things that come immediately to mind-

• While everything happens for a reason, rarely does anything happen the way I think it should- or when I think it should.
• I am wrong a majority of the time, and that's alright as long as I can acknowledge it, learn from it, and move on.
• Nothing in this life is permanent, enjoy the moment while it lasts, because this one, like any other will pass, and another will follow.
• Sometimes, lessons come from what we may think to be the most unlikely sources.
• Keep your eyes, mind, and heart open at all times.

Yeah, yeah. I know, it's sappy to me too, but these are all points I do not want to forget.  The year was filled with super high ups and seriously low downs- I would have to say that 2011 started with an epic low and ended on an epic high note, and so far, it seems that 2012 is following a similar pattern.  I met some seriously amazing people. I had some unbelievable experiences, life changing conversations, and weathered quite a few storms.  And lets be honest, I did not spend the entire year in contemplation and growth.  I did my fair share of regressing and fucking up- in fact it is almost uncanny how things seemed to have come full circle in the last couple months of the year.  I woke up to many of the lies I had been telling myself, and decided to make some changes.  People came into my life that helped me to realize I wasn't good with  some of the situations in my life, and without even knowing it, they helped me alter those patterns, and that may be the single greatest victory of 2011. 

What I am about to say is probably the nerdiest thing I have ever said-In 2011, I saw Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back for the first time. I will admit to having originally written off these movies because of their cult following.  After actually viewing them and taking in the characters and plot line I can now say- I really think George Lucas was on to something with his concept of the Force.  Life really is all in the mind, how you think about things, and the discipline you exert in both your thinking and actions.  That energy can be positive or negative and can be manifested in good or evil ways in life.  A year can be all good or all bad, an experience can be devastating or life altering, it all comes down to the way you choose to think about it. I think Yoda said it best in Empire Strikes Back "Do, or do not...there is no try."  No other words could more aptly describe what 2011 taught me.  It is no longer acceptable to hide under the cop out of 'I am trying.'  In order to move forward I must commit to doing what I need to do, and to stop doing what doesn't foster the growth path I am on.  "Named must your fear be before banish it you can."