Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Ataraxia

After years of fighting I find myself no-longer holding back... hanging on every moment... letting each one drip from the very depths of the leaky faucet of my soul. Never have I found myself so at ease in someone's arms...I find Tough Bitch has all but disappeared.

I've dueled with her for years, my body and soul bruised and scared from battle, beaten until I scarcely have a Pulse.  But when you walked in... it's as if none of that ever mattered... like she never existed. And it was completely effortless.  The armor that once encased my heart, dismantled without my even knowing it. There is no need for it. No need to front, or pretend or hide or run.  For the first time ever, I surrendered from the start... and it feels amazing... no defeat and no need for strategy, because this time it's not a battle, it's a complete infiltration of my soul. 

Spilling over with an energy that until now, I kept steeled away.  My heart skipping multiple beats and my insides knotting so as to capture the butterflies that seem to have been released inside me.  Swirling in the intensity that is my heart soaring and my brain scrambling and my voice hushed... because given the words of the entire English language still,  I can't even begin to scratch the surface as to what I am experiencing.

I love your silliness- The way you can turn a serious moment into a burst of laughter in seconds flat, and I love your laugh, and your smile, and the way your eyes light up when you're telling a story.  I love your nerdiness... that you seem to have limitless knowledge about all sorts of things, and I love that you are not only willing to share it, but have the patience to catch me up when I don't understand.

I love your sincerity- that you are not afraid to say what you mean, and I know that you mean what you say. I love your kisses, passionate, sweet... never rushed or forced, slow and gentle, always leaving me wanting more. I love that I can't get you out of my head. I love your patience and insistence. I  love that you hold my hand, I love that you open the car door for me.  I love that you let me know when you are thinking of me. I love the little ways you protect me. I love that you'll talk about it.

I love your emotion, and your depth.  The way you connect with people and situations and life in general.  I love that your soul is both tender and seasoned with life experience.  I love your passion... the way it pulses through you with each beat of your heart, and how you do everything possible to nurture it. I love that it knows no bounds, and your innate desire to honor it by sharing it with the world. I love the way you think, the way you write, the way you play.  I  love your voice... singing softly... your words dancing in my soul...

I love that you walked into my life and disarmed me completely. I love your touch... how you have this way of melting every inch of me into a shivering puddle. I love that your eyes have this way of penetrating every brick in my Wonderwall.  I love the feeling of shelter that I find in your embrace.  I love the experience of complete peace I get lying next to you.  I love that after years of paralyzing fear about it, vulnerability seems easy and natural with you, it's with you I feel at ease being truly Naked. I love that my little girl in the Freshly Pressed Dress feels totally free to come out around you. 

 I love the way you love.