Normally, when composing a post, I am thinking about what I want to write as a way to remember some piece of some lesson... So, most of my posts are less about feeling and more about thinking. In this moment, I have very few thoughts, in fact trying to put to words the way I am feeling right now seems almost impossible... And, I like it.
Recently, it feels as though a lot of my bullshit has melted away... I have no idea where my defenses suddenly retreated to, but they have. My thinking has slowed, and my heartbeat has quickened. I don't really even have words to describe what I am thinking or feeling aside from happy, which does the situation no justice. And it has been a 180 degree shift, that seems to have happened in 3 seconds flat. Like getting broadsided, but in a really fucking beautiful way...Each and every moment seems singular and defined, lasting for for a millisecond and eternity at once. I feel like a walking cliché, like anything I could possible say about where I am is old news to anyone with a heartbeat on the planet. I feel like a giggly, giddy, smiling, blushing 12 year old girl. And I like it.
This is not like me...in fact, I am normally the girl who makes fun of people for acting the way I am right now. Mainly because I never understood it. Because there are no words to describe this space. I have been walking around with a gigantic, dopey grin on my face for days. And I like it.
Yeah, this is uncharted territory. It's an inexplicable connection from the most unlikely direction. It's bliss. And contentment. It's that warm feeling. It's butterflies. It's excitement and newness, without fear or worry. It's my heart beating at the speed of sound. It's holding hands. It's talking and listening and experiencing. It's soft kisses and long hugs. It's being. How have I gone 30 years and NEVER experienced something like this?! Perhaps the right opportunity hadn't presented itself until now. Maybe it's just the right time. OR maybe it just IS. And I like it:)
