FORWARD

I know a lot of people who do not give weight to astrology, passing it off as a gimmick, but... in all actuality, it is one of THE oldest forms of science coming going all the way back to Babylon... I have been interested in this stuff for years... if you are interested in a deeper look, I recommend going to this site and getting your birth chart done.  The free chart is a bit surfacey, but a fantastic starting point... I have a gigantic text book at home that expands on each section, it truly is fascinating.

All that being said, today is the beginning of the last time Mercury will go retrograde this year.  This is the first time I have actually been aware of Mercury's retrograde before it happened in a while, so I feel at least a little prepared by virtue of awareness. When I figured this out, and realized it began on election day, I was a bit dismayed.  If you don't know about Mercury in retrograde, there's a lovely little explanation here.  A majority of people dread this period. Communication is confounding, things in general seem more confusing, and frustrating, and as I witnessed at my polling place this morning, electronic devices tend to go wonky... but, as the link explains, it is also a great time to re-examine.  

So, with Mercury's retrograde in mind, I look at my horoscope this morning-

CAPRICORN Nov, 06, 2012
You have made a certain effort over and over again. Each time, you have failed to get the result you hoped for. Yet you keep doing it. Your friends and your family members vary in their reactions. Some think you're foolish. Some think you're being unrealistic. Some think you're wasting your time. And there is a small segment that believes you are a very positive and determined person and you will eventually get what you want. If you choose to believe any of these people - choose the last one.

I have to say, that this shit has been directly on point lately! Hahaha.  Not just for what I am going through personally, but also what I see this election doing (or not doing) for our country.  Some people may be singularly focused on one issue, or candidate... many are focused on one party...some are driven by their personal values, others by what's been ingrained in them, some by anger, but ALL of us, even those who choose to stick their head in the sand in ostrich-like fashion, are driven by our own personal experiences.  This seems to ring true on both the micro and macro levels.

After many, many deep and exhaustive conversations with some close, trusted friends over the last few days, I will admit to feeling a bit lost and defeated.  I had come to a point where I was getting back to trusting myself, and after these conversations (as loving and well intentioned as they each were), I was seriously beginning to doubt my instincts again.  There are definitely people who think (although they may not say it) that I am foolish; there are certainly people who think I am often unrealistic, and the number of people who believe that my determination (or bleeding heart if you want) will eventually lead me to where I want to be, seems to be dwindling of late.

I realize that each of those viewpoints are warranted at some points... I can be a stubborn fucking bastard at times... and I constantly struggle with how high to set my life bar, but... I have to constantly remind myself that each of us has a worldview that is inherently skewed by our own experiences.  There are those who believe that this struggle for consciousness I ramble on about is nothing more than another exercise in head banging... there are those who dismiss the subject completely, perhaps in an effort to avoid having to perform a cranial-rectal extraction (OR that might be a part of my own personal skew ;) there are the pragmatists, the realists, optimists and the pessimists, and there are those who are on a similar actualization path;  they all offer varying viewpoints from which to draw upon... I appreciate having that sort of diversity in my inner circle.

I AM a pretty determined person, even if I occasionally lose sight of that determination in my day to day.  In fact, as much as I sometimes want to just throw my hands up, wave a white flag, give up, and break down, I know that I won't, it's not in me.  There will always be those people or situations that knock the wind out of my sails, that I am sure of.  And I will most likely always wonder if it is on purpose or not.  But, deep down, I believe people to be basically good, doing the very best they can with the resources and tools they have available.  And sometimes, the only way for others to survive is by putting their heads down and plowing through, inadvertently mowing down whatever happens to be in their path.  We all have the power to either take it personally, and continue exposing ourselves to that sort of destruction, picking that fresh scab every time we go back for more; OR we can choose to own ONLY what is ours... consciousness, just like fear, is contagious.  They can both infect everyone... my choice, and your choice, and anyone's choice is which infection I expose myself to regularly... I prefer to be driven by consciousness, rather than fear.  I am hoping that our country as a whole is moving that direction...I think that it is that kind of the determination that will lead us in the directions that we may not all necessarily want, but for sure, what we need.  Happy retrograde everyone- here's to each of us taking a moment to re-examine, gathering our personal and collective determination, and moving forward.