Things have been super crazy hectic lately, but they are starting to slow down a bit... I have been thinking quite a bit- I know what your thinking, does this chick ever DO anything?! All she does is hammer on about thinking! And, for the most part, it's true- I do spend a lot of time swimming around in my own mind... but I do think it leads to productivity... at least some of the time. It just seems as though right when I am ready to sit back and rest on my laurels something comes up that requires me to perk back up and pay attention.
Things topping the contemplation list of late- being a big girl and the struggle involved in standing on my own two feets. Taking responsibility for me and my actions, learning that humble pie is not one of my favorite meals, but is sometimes a requirement that comes with being a big girl, and- perhaps most importantly, having gratitude for all of the above.
Last week I was very blessed to take a trip to Sin City with some of the BESTEST friends a girl could ask for, it was fun, but seriously mentally exhausting! Getting to hang out with friends and do fun things was no doubt awesome, but as I suspected, that place is like a visual and auditory energy sucking vampire for those of us who get our recharge from that quiet place within ourselves! Now, don't get me wrong- there are many, many, beautiful things there, and it is for sure one of THE BEST places in the world to observe that infinite possibilities of human behavior. I could have have easily spent the entire trip posted up on the strip or in a casino just watching people... but needless to say- I was more than happy to get home to my bed and the sweet, sweet, sound of silence!
Anyhow, the trip and the whirlwind of weeks leading up to it led me to this contemplative state... a week from today will be perhaps the most important anniversary I have celebrated thus far in life. The 31st will mark a full year of being single. Some might moan and say how sad it is to be single, others might think it no big thing to be single at all. But for me, this is a milestone. A year of hard work. A year of not settling out of fear. A year of stepping forward, and backward and forward again. A year of loneliness and despair. A year of triumph and joy a year of getting to know the most important person in my life... a person I had long ago written off. A year with me, just me.
I have learned a lot in the last year, there have been as many Ah-ha moments as there have been damn it moments, but they have all been powerful in their own awesome or painful ways, and in the last few weeks many of those moments have begun to crystallize into cohesive lessons for me. I plan on committing some of those moments and lessons to text in the coming days, but for tonight I think I will go to bed, alone and happy... thanks to all of you who have helped to reel me back into reality over the last year, those of you who listened, offered advice, let me cry, and all of you who in general helped to foster and facilitate my growth, this leg of the journey is far from over, of that I am well aware, but I think the up-coming mile marker is worth at least a post or two in reflection and certainly worth a more than a fleeting mention of gratitude. Love to all of you, and as I am still learning- love to myself.
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